Anxiety Attack.

Augh. It's driving me insane. I swear to God it is.
I HAVEN'T GOTTEN A FUCKING REPLY YET.
ARRRGGGGH.
Like, i KNOW i said in the email that i didn't 'need' a reply
BUT DAMMIT, HE KNOWS THAT WHEN I SAY ONE THING, I ACTUALLY MEAN THE OPPOSITE.
Like, because i haven't gotten a reply, i feel like he hasn't read it.
Or rather, he's read it but doesn't want to talk to me.
T_______________T
EMO TEARS!
-sob-
Like... all this anxiety is starting to mess with my head.
I'm not even joking. He's freaking invading my dreams now.
I LIKED IT BETTER WHEN I WAS DREAMING ABOUT MUSHROOM HOUSES AND FLYING CARPETS.
Because everytime i see him in my dreams now, i'm thinking 'SHIIIT how is he gonna react to my email?!?!'
then he doesn't do anything out of the ordinary and i'm like 'oh yeah, this is a dream.'
GAAHHH i'm going insane...
But...
i have to say, i'm scared about the answer.
For the past few days, i've been panicking. Because what if he doesn't love me anymore??
Like what if he thinks the email is the last push he needs to just end things??
...SCREW HIM, IF ANYONE IS DOING THE BREAKING UP, IT'S GONNA BE ME GODDAMIT.
but
i have a feeling that if he did break up with me
i'd laugh
because
i tried to break up with YOU 3 times and now you're breaking up with ME after telling me to stay all those times?
like wow.
but...
i just really want an answer.
Or rather, i just really want to hear the answer i want.
I'm scared.
But this time he's not here to hold me like he usually does.
Because he's the one making me scared.