His Smile.

idk...
like...
today i was thinking about my relationship and stuff...
and i guess...
like, i SHOULD be mad after all that i've gone through, like i'm no saint, honestly.
i AM mad.
but...
at the same time
when i think about all those times we've spent together
and like
damn
if i think about his smile
or rather
the way he smiles at me when i do something he finds absolutely ADORABLE
it just...
i feel like i will always give him another chance.
because honestly...
Truth to the matter is...
i love him way too much for my own good.
its not that i can't let him go and i'm clingy
like
i can let him go
if i wanted to.
i'm prepared for it.
but...
i don't want to.
because
even though it hurts
and even though i suffer everyday that we are together...
i just...





i love him.





i honestly do.
with ever fibre in my body.
i truly and honestly do love him.
Because...
today
i realized
that he means the world to me.
but, at the same time
i haven't lost my grip on reality
i'm not stupid.
there is no forever.
but
there is a now.
and now is where choices are made.
and i choose
to love him, regardless of all the good and bad i have to go through.
because
when he looks at me
and lets down all his barriers
and gives me that smile that i adore so much...
i can feel how much he loves me.
i feel like i belong.
and though it's true that i'd rather hate him if this is what it's like to love him...
it doesn't change the fact that i love him, not hate him.
Right now i am blogging this at home...
but i am not truly home.
My home is where my happiness is
and that is with his smile.