That fine line between never giving up and chasing a dream.

so...

a conversation i just had with my friend kinda inspired (LOL i don't think that would be the correct word) me to write this blog. i was gonna write one tonight but i think i will take a long time so i started now.

anyways...

When i was talking to my friend, i felt like such a hypocrite.

i told her not to give up and that she should get up when the going got tough...

yet i'm always complaining about how kelvin acts.

But then again

i've held on for so long.

Where's that fine line that separates having the courage to stand up and simply chasing a dream that was never meant to be?

Is there a time limit on how long you should keep trying until you give up?

if there was a time limit, i think i'm long overdue.

Like,,

the first summer that me and kelvin went through right after we started dating...

omg it was horrible... but then again, at the same time, it wasn't.

(SLam listen to me when i say this and hopefully it'll make sense)

i'll be honest and say that at that time, i didn't love kelvin. i only liked him a lot. or as kelvin put it 'had a really, REALLY big crush on you'.

but like... it was obvious we both dreaded the summer because we couldn't see each other.

So we settled for talking on msn everyday for a minimum of 2 hours.

And... it was nice to hear how much he missed me a shit... but like now that i think about it, it was kinda just words you know? for all i know he could be just saying that and thinking some whole different thing. but i trusted him not to lie to me.

and so it felt like we grew more and more distant... but the feeling was still there.

To me, summer vacation is the worst thing that could happen to a couple (or it could be the best thing if your parents aren't freaking over protective and hate your gf/bf's guts.)

The reason is because in the summer, everyone's got their own different lives to deal with, you know what i mean? in school, you see each other everyday and if something happens, both of you know about it and like can talk about it. Or like you can both talk about how your teacher likes to bullshit or w/e. In school, there's just so much in common to talk about. But outside of school it's all different. Remember how you were before you met him or her. You lived your own life right? things happened and stuff. Same thing when summer rolls around. Like maybe something happened to one of you but the other doesn't know about it.

Its almost like someone telling you a joke, and it was really funny, so you told your friends about it and they didn't get why you thought the joke was so funny.

Something in the communication there got lost no? Or rather, something didn't get through.

I know that's not the best example but like you kinda get what i mean??

Telling about a moment is different that living one.

And so when you're living different lives, things aren't as...smooth as they usually are.

Its kinda like 'oh yea this thing happened and blah blah blah' while the other person is like 'uhh.. okay...'

and then after a while it's like everything's different and crap and it becomes 'oh well, this is awkward...'

But the feeling is still there. Its just the closeness that's gone because you're not really that close anymore.

But its times like these where you have to realize that sure you may not be as close anymore but once you get over this down, there's gonna be an upside.

That's at least my take on things... i don't know if that's the case or no... but oh wells.

okay lol i thought this was gonna be a long blog but i have to cut it short XD my comp is lagging too much cuz i'm downloading a shit load of things at the same time.

maybe i blog later if i have anything else to blog about.