Does your last ex have a job?
Nope.
What were you doing before filling out this survey?
Filling out anthoer survey LOL
Has anyone ever broken your heart?
Hmm... i've answer this twice already on fb with long explanations. refer to that.
What was the first thing you thought this morning?
10 o clock? shit son, i gotta get up or i'll be late getting to Kacey's house...
Do you still talk to the first person you kissed?
Hm. well, he's too much of a coward to talk to me.
Are you Irish in any way?
HAHA no. That'd be weird if i was.
Are you happy right now?
I'm content :)
What color are your eyes?
dark brownn
Who/what do you hate currently?
i hate that really cold feeling in my toes... and that soreness in my writs... and that stupid play Hamlet. Oh, and my kumon too.
Do you get the recommended eight hours of sleep a night?
i recommend getting 12 :)
When is your birthday?
February 22
Are you multitasking right now?
HAHA no
Could you handle being in the military?
probably not, i'd drop dead after first day of training.
Are you afraid of the dark?
i used to be terrified of the dark. now i love it :) Don't ask why. i just happen to find solace and comfort in being alone in the darkness.
Ever talked to someone that was drunk?
well, I didn't talk to them... they talked to me.
Did you have a dream last night?
i think so, can't remember it though. probably another weird ass dream about me flying...
What are you excited for?
THE BREAD TO FINISH BAKING! =D 15 min left to go!
Relationships or one night stands?
relationships. long ones.
How many piercings do you have?
only on both ears
Few things you're doing at the moment?
filling out this survey and waiting for bread to be done?
Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
Mom
Ever kissed in the rain?
no... i want to :)
How's your heart lately?
well, i'm not having any cardiac arrests if that's what you wanna know.
Are you a jealous person?
i am >.< i get jealous very VERY easily...
Did you have a good birthday this year?
could've been better... my coming birthday is gonna KICK ASS!
Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
No. i'd slap him though :)
Who was the last person you took a picture with?
last photo i took of myself... last photo i took with a group would probably be Ashley, Joanna and Euphemia
How often do you see your ex?
everyday minus holidays cuz of school.
Would you ever donate blood?
my dad is taking me soon :)
Have you ever driven without a license?
no
Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?
yes
What do you wanna be when you get older?
well, i'm thinking commercial lawyer, but if that doesn't work, a teacher :)
Do you wish someone was with you right now?
hmm... nah, i'm okay.
Is someone on your mind right now?
...not really. LOL (i sound kinda heartless don't i? XD)
When is the last time you cried?
well, i cried last night playing mah jong cuz i laughed so hard lol
Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now?
possible. you never know.
What were you wearing when you last kissed someone?
how the hell am i supposed to know?
What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
BOXING DAY SALES. =D
How many friends do you have that you can tell anything to?
quite a few.
Tell me about the shirt you're wearing?
errm... apparently the black shirt that people call 'gothic' with the angel wings and the holes around my shoulders...
How many kids do you want?
TWINS!
What was the last beverage someone spilled on you?
...don't remember.
Do you smoke weed regularly?
no =_= never. ever. ever. never.
Would you ever want to swim with the sharks?
NONONONOO. please no, i'm deathly afraid of sharks... i can't even watch the movie Jaws.
Did you speak to your father today?
yes
How did you wake up this morning?
i woke up with my head lying next to my pillow and my teddy bear underneath my back and basically just sprawled across my bed.
Do you regret anything from your past?
yes, but what's the use worrying about it if you can't change it?
Could you see yourself with someone forever?
i can see myself being with someone forever... dunno who that person is though.
Does anyone call your home phone for you anymore?
everyone LOL
What do you want for your next birthday?
THAT GIANT PANDA STUFFY AT BOOKS AND PAGES!! :) apparently my brother is buying it for me though... (but i have to pay half >.<)
What person annoys you the most?
that Davin kid...
Ever given a cop an attitude?
nope.
Would you rather your lover have gorgeous eyes or a gorgeous smile?
eyeess! i could spend HOURS looking at someone's eyes :)
Have you ever broken someones heart?
idk.
Could you ever be friends again with someone that broke your heart?
hmmm... sure.
Ever kissed under water?
OOH COOOOLL I WANNA TRY!
Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
so many. XD
Do you miss your past?
yes...
How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
uhhh... i think 8
+++100 random questions+++
1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? i don't have a closet...
2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
no LOL
3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
in obviously.
4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
why would you even want to?? so you could put up a sign on your door that says 'One Way'??
5. Do you like to use post-it notes?
sometimes... if the occasion calls for it lol
6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
YES HAHA
7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
big bear >.< no bees please...
8. Do you have scars?
not that i know of...
9. Do you always smile for pictures?
nope.
10. What is your biggest pet peeve?
idk...
11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
if i'm bored yes XD
12. Have you ever peed in the woods?
eww no
13. What about pooped in the woods?
nononono.
14. Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?
there's always music in my head XD
15. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
no.
16. How many people have you slept with this week?
sorry, i'm not a whore.
17. What size is your bed?
single :( actually, it's supposed to be a bunk bed... but we took them apart LOL
18. What is your Song of the week?
idk?
19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
yes
20. Do you still watch cartoons?
if you can call anime cartoons.
21. Whats your least favorite movie?
something that was a waste of my time?
22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
deep in my room LOL
23. What do you drink with dinner?
milk or juice :)
24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
nothing.
25. What is your favorite food?
NOODLES! PASTA!
26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Chronicles of Narnia, Lord of the Rings, and a few otheres.
27. Last person you kissed/kissed you?
Kelvin.
28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
HAHA no
29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
NO =_______=
30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
long time ago, to penpal.
31. Can you change the oil on a car?
nope
32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
no
33. Ran out of gas?
k i cant even drive LOL
34. Favorite kind of sandwich?
tuna!
35 Best thing to eat for breakfast?
bacon and instant noodles LOL (sounds kinda disgusting XD)
36. What is your usual bedtime?
midnight.
37. Are you lazy?
yes
38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
princess XD
39. What is your Chinese astrological sign?
Doggy!
40. How many languages can you speak?
english, chinese
41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
nope
42..Which are better legos or lincoln logs?
legos...? what are lincoln logs?
43. Are you stubborn?
yess
44. Who is better...Leno or Letterman?
i don't care for either of their shows...
45. Ever watch soap operas?
yes.
46. Afraid of heights?
YES YES YES
47. Sing in the car?
XD i would if i had my own car
48. Dance in the shower?
no HAHA although i have ran through some choreography a few times XD
49. Dance in the car?
where the hell would you find the space?
50. Ever used a gun?
toy ones
51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
school ID?
52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
no.
53. Is Christmas stressful?
kinda... considering christmas' for me for the past 2 years have sucked ass.
54. Ever eat a pierogi?
you mean perogi?
55. Favorite type of fruit pie?
umm.. pumkin is a fruit right?
56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
lawyer
57. Do you believe in ghosts?
not really.
58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
not really.
59. Take a vitamin daily?
no
60. Wear slippers?
yess
61. Wear a bath robe?
nope.
62. What do you wear to bed?
uhh.. pajamas?
63. First concert?
elementary concerts?
64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
Wal-Mart.
65. Nike or Adidas?
Nike
66.Cheetos Or Fritos?
cheetos
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
sunflower seeds
68. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
i think so.
69. Ever take dance lessons?
no
70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
doctor or some kind of computer engineer :)
71. Can you curl your tongue?
kinda
72. Ever won a spelling bee?
no.
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
nope
74. Own any record albums?
nope
75. Own a record player?
nope
76. Regularly burn incense?
nope
77. Ever been in love?
idk.
78. Who would you like to see in concert?
Taylor Swift.
79. What was the last concert you saw?
Simple Plan LOL long time ago man o.O
80.Hot tea or cold tea?
hot
81.Tea or coffee?
coffee
82. Sugar or snickerdoodles?
sugar
83.Can you swim well?
...depends?
84.Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
yes
85. Are you patient?
not really
86. DJ or band, at a wedding?
Band
87.Ever won a contest?
probably
88. Ever have plastic surgery?
no
89. Which are better black or green olives?
olives are gross
90.Can you knit or crochet?
i can knit
91. Best room for a fireplace?
living room
92. Do you want to get married?
yes!!
93. If married, how long have you been married?
N/A
94. Who was your HS crush?
well, i didn't really have a high school crush, more like a high school relationship.
95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
no
96. Do you have kids?
no
97. Do you want kids?
yes!
98. Whats your favorite color?
Green
99. Do you miss anyone right now?
not really
100. Did you watch, Next Great American Band on FOX?
no
+++ 50 odd things+++
1. Where's your number one on your top 8?
uhh.. home?
2. What is your favorite possession?
MY BELOVED PANDA STUFFIES
3. Do you own a gun?
LOL i wish...
4. If you could tell your last ex something what would you say?
You're an asshole and a cheater. I pity the girl who marries you. Hope you rot in hell *smile* :)
5. Do you get nervous before doctors appointments?
no.
6. What do you think of hot dogs?
i think food?
7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
idk actually.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
milk... even though i'm lactose intolerant HAHA XD
9. Can you do push ups?
mhmm
10. Is your bathroom clean?
yes
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
necklaces.
12. Do you take painkillers?
no
13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
i have a secret weapon? what?
14. Do you have A.D.D.?
no
15. Still have a birthmark?
erm, i've never seen it... it's hidden under my giant mass of hair.
16. What are you doing tonight?
sleeping?
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
1. this bread is yummy
2. i should never have stolen this note, it's way too damn long.
3. i crave something to drink... can't quite place my finger on it though.
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought?
1. Hair tie/scrunchie
2. panda t-shirt
3. Mochi balls <3 (green tea and red bean X3)
19. Name 3 things you drink regularly:
1. milk
2. juice
3. ...air XD
20. Are you on a diet?
nope
21. Who's number one on your top 8?
uhh... Shevon?
22. Current worry:
mom will yell at me because i haven't showered yet
23. Current hate:
idk?
24.Favorite place to be:
in my room, in the dark, laying on my bed.
25. How did you bring in the New Year?
i've got 1 hour and 8 minutes left to go.
26. Where would you like to go?
NIPPON!
27. Why do you wanna go there?
because i love their culture.
28. What shirt are you wearing?
i vaguely remember answering this.
29. What is your current relationship status?
single.
30. Favorite color(s)?
Green
31. Would you be a pirate?
...sure XD
32. Are you gay?
LOL no
33. Do you sing in the shower?
yes~ XD
34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
ghosts/zombies >.<
35. What's in your pockets right now?
nothing
36. What are you going to do after this?
shower
37. Who do you want to be with right now?
...no one?
38. Worst injury you've ever had?
idk actually...
39. Best feeling in the world?
being at peace with your life and being happy and content and just knowing that everything will be okay :)
40. Worst feeling in the world?
being alone and hated.
41. Who is your loudest friend?
Kylee Thompson
42. Who is your quietest friend?
hmm... i don't know actually.
43. Does someone have a crush on you?
yes
44 Do you wish on shooting stars?
if i saw one i would
45. What is your favorite food?
PASTA! NOODLES!
46. What is your favorite candy?
idk.
47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
Heaven - DJ sammy
48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson
49. What were you doing @ 12 AM last night?
reading fanfiction
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
i think i answered this a few times already
+++New Year's+++
Will you be looking for a new job?
yes
Will you be looking for a new relationship?
yes :)
New house?
no LOL
What will you do different in 2010?
study!
New Years resolution?
too many to list
What will you not be doing in 2010?
living?
Any trips planned?
none
Wedding plans?
nope
What's on your calendar?
birthday party?
What can't you wait for?
Band Camp
What would you like to see happen different?
hmm... idk. just the way i manage my life in general?
What about yourself will you be changing?
my dependence on others
What happened in '09 that you didn't think would ever happen?
breakup.
Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
of course
Will you dress differently this year than you did in '09?
idk?
Are you going to be in school in '10?
Yea
How will you make more money in '10?
MAH JONG!
Will you do charity work?
i will volunteer of course
Are you going to drink on New Years Eve?
no, i'm at home now aren't i?
Will you be nice to people you don't know?
sure?
Do you expect 2010 to be a worse year for you than 2009?
can't be much worse.
How much did you change from this time last year til now?
a lot.
Do you plan on having a child?
NO lol
Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?
probably
Major lifestyle changes?
hmm. idk
Will you be moving?
nope
What will you make sure doesn't happen in 2010 that happened in '09?
gain weight T__T
What are your New Year's Eve plans?
sleep :)
Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
nope, maybe next year XD
Wishes for 2010:
Happiness :)
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Joanne Posted This And I Thought I'd Share It As Well :)
something absolutely adorable... and i think that if i ever find Mr. Right, i'd give him all of this and more <3
“ If you pick me a flower, I’ll wear it in my hair. I’ll stash little notes for you where you least expect them. I don’t have many firsts left.. but I’d like someone who I could offer all of my lasts. We’ll make history together. I’ll wait for you even if you’re late – and I won’t complain about it. Kindness to cashiers, valets, waiters and maddeningly slow postal clerks who would try the patience of Gandhi is a must. I will feel safe and most at peace in your arms. When you’re counting aloud, I will try and mess you up. I find you magically delicious. I will let you be right when it doesn’t really matter. I’ll giggle when you show off and I know it’s just for me. I’ll hold your coffee while you drive. I can build a fire without burning the house down. If you wash the car with me – I promise to wear a white t-shirt for you. I‘ll hide around corners and try to scare you in the middle of the night.. of course, I’ll end up scaring myself and you’ll have to calm me down. I can change a flat tire and my own oil. It’s the simple things you do that make me swoon the most. I love it when you sing to me. I’ll make you mickey mouse pancakes. Sleeping in has a whole new meaning now that we’re doing it together. I’ll cover you up and kiss your forehead when you fall asleep watching tv. I won’t swear around your family or make you wear silly sweaters at my family’s during Christmas. I’ll grant you three wishes. I’ll make you laugh. I’ll stare in wonder with you at that hot chick with the great rack. I will marvel at your strength. I’ll take care of you when you’re sick. I give a kick ass massage. I think it’s hot when you come home all dirty from playing or working hard. My heart will skip every time you walk through the door. My kisses will take your breath away – seriously. I’ll giggle if you leave your socks on in bed. My quirks and oddities have been deemed ‘adorable’ and I will love you more everyday for all of yours. I’ll hold you when you need it. I will give you space when you need it. I will let you be you. You’ll sleep better when I’m next to you. I’ll thank you every time you open a door for me. I’ll never give you shit in front of your friends. I won’t ever let you leave for work in the morning without your lunch and a passionate kiss. We can watch your movie first. I’ll clean the house perfectly every time your mom comes by. I like horror movies only when you’re with me and only as long as you hold me close. I don’t litter. I love when you pull me down to sit on your lap. I love it when you lay your head on my chest in bed. I can be ready (shower and all) in half an hour. I’ll look cute as hell in your shirt in the morning. I can balance a checkbook. I can never turn down a challenge. I’ll fit perfectly in your arms. I’ll understand if you get jealous – and do my best to show you that you have no reason. Hand-written love notes will get you laid every time. I can totally keep a secret. I’m pretty damn funny and will do anything to make you laugh. You will always look hot to me in the morning. I think it’s cute when you eat off my plate. When you’re sleeping, I’ll try to stay quiet. I’ll call when I say I will.
Treat me like a woman and I’ll treat you like a man.
--Unknown
“ If you pick me a flower, I’ll wear it in my hair. I’ll stash little notes for you where you least expect them. I don’t have many firsts left.. but I’d like someone who I could offer all of my lasts. We’ll make history together. I’ll wait for you even if you’re late – and I won’t complain about it. Kindness to cashiers, valets, waiters and maddeningly slow postal clerks who would try the patience of Gandhi is a must. I will feel safe and most at peace in your arms. When you’re counting aloud, I will try and mess you up. I find you magically delicious. I will let you be right when it doesn’t really matter. I’ll giggle when you show off and I know it’s just for me. I’ll hold your coffee while you drive. I can build a fire without burning the house down. If you wash the car with me – I promise to wear a white t-shirt for you. I‘ll hide around corners and try to scare you in the middle of the night.. of course, I’ll end up scaring myself and you’ll have to calm me down. I can change a flat tire and my own oil. It’s the simple things you do that make me swoon the most. I love it when you sing to me. I’ll make you mickey mouse pancakes. Sleeping in has a whole new meaning now that we’re doing it together. I’ll cover you up and kiss your forehead when you fall asleep watching tv. I won’t swear around your family or make you wear silly sweaters at my family’s during Christmas. I’ll grant you three wishes. I’ll make you laugh. I’ll stare in wonder with you at that hot chick with the great rack. I will marvel at your strength. I’ll take care of you when you’re sick. I give a kick ass massage. I think it’s hot when you come home all dirty from playing or working hard. My heart will skip every time you walk through the door. My kisses will take your breath away – seriously. I’ll giggle if you leave your socks on in bed. My quirks and oddities have been deemed ‘adorable’ and I will love you more everyday for all of yours. I’ll hold you when you need it. I will give you space when you need it. I will let you be you. You’ll sleep better when I’m next to you. I’ll thank you every time you open a door for me. I’ll never give you shit in front of your friends. I won’t ever let you leave for work in the morning without your lunch and a passionate kiss. We can watch your movie first. I’ll clean the house perfectly every time your mom comes by. I like horror movies only when you’re with me and only as long as you hold me close. I don’t litter. I love when you pull me down to sit on your lap. I love it when you lay your head on my chest in bed. I can be ready (shower and all) in half an hour. I’ll look cute as hell in your shirt in the morning. I can balance a checkbook. I can never turn down a challenge. I’ll fit perfectly in your arms. I’ll understand if you get jealous – and do my best to show you that you have no reason. Hand-written love notes will get you laid every time. I can totally keep a secret. I’m pretty damn funny and will do anything to make you laugh. You will always look hot to me in the morning. I think it’s cute when you eat off my plate. When you’re sleeping, I’ll try to stay quiet. I’ll call when I say I will.
Treat me like a woman and I’ll treat you like a man.
--Unknown
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Amusing Quote.
" I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said ‘Happy Birthday’ on it. I didn’t want to waste it so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it."
Monday, December 28, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Another Excerpt.
"It won't help."
"What?" Startled Battousai turned towards the only other person that could possibly exist in this place, his mouth dropping open in surprise as he took in the sight of him.
"Cold water, it won't help."
Sopping wet did not begin to describe him. The rurouni's hair was glued to his face with water and it released a shower of drops with each breath he took. His clothing was likewise drenched and he sprayed liquid with even the smallest of movements. His gi was plastered to his skin and the white hakama he wore were so heavy with moisture that they threatened to fall and wrap themselves around his ankles.
Battousai briefly wondered why he wasn?t doubled over with laughter at the sight of him when he looked into the rurouni's eyes. Although they were still their normal violet colour there was nothing innocent in them at the moment. They burned with the same hunger and need that his did.
As one they sat down on the log and started out at the water.
"We're screwed, aren't we?"
It wasn't really a question, the rurouni answered it anyway.
"Yes, I believe we are."
"What?" Startled Battousai turned towards the only other person that could possibly exist in this place, his mouth dropping open in surprise as he took in the sight of him.
"Cold water, it won't help."
Sopping wet did not begin to describe him. The rurouni's hair was glued to his face with water and it released a shower of drops with each breath he took. His clothing was likewise drenched and he sprayed liquid with even the smallest of movements. His gi was plastered to his skin and the white hakama he wore were so heavy with moisture that they threatened to fall and wrap themselves around his ankles.
Battousai briefly wondered why he wasn?t doubled over with laughter at the sight of him when he looked into the rurouni's eyes. Although they were still their normal violet colour there was nothing innocent in them at the moment. They burned with the same hunger and need that his did.
As one they sat down on the log and started out at the water.
"We're screwed, aren't we?"
It wasn't really a question, the rurouni answered it anyway.
"Yes, I believe we are."
Small Excerpt.
The rurouni sat quietly by the stretch of river that curved and coiled its way across a landscape of old dreams and never forgotten memories. The emotions that the place usually invoked in him were overpowered by pure frustration as his hands clenched around his fishing pole in an attempt to symbolically throttle Battousai's neck. Sometimes his other self was such an idiot.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
I Give Up.
This is honestly not worth my time anymore.
Why does this always happen?
Problems just keep piling up
and no one understands.
no one fucking understands how much i hate this
no one fucking understands how much i go through
its always 'my life sucks' 'fml' 'i epic failed' blah blah blah
fuck you
you don't fucking understand.
i hate this so fucking much.
i'm so tired of having to deal with everything
i'm so tired of people not trying to understand me
i'm so tired of everyone assuming they know who i am
i'm so tired of not having someone who i can actually trust
i'm so tired of life in general.
Why do i put up with all this crap?
'if this is how you view life, then you are depressed'
NO FUCKING KIDDING.
I'M SORRY, YOU ONLY NOTICED THAT NOW AFTER FUCKING HOW LONG?
jeezus christ.
you want me to talk to you?
why the hell should i talk to you when i know from experience that it won't do any good?
you don't understand.
you never understand.
no one understands.
so just fuck off
leave me alone
let me deal with my own crap
because honestly, that's how i've been getting through life
no thanks to you.
Like...
everything has gotten past the point where its just 'not okay' anymore.
its gotten to the point where i REALLY am so fucking tired of having to do the same thing each and every single day for the past fucking 15 years.
like seriously. gtfo of my life.
just..
leave me alone.
if i'm going to suffer, at least let me suffer in peace.
don't preach to me.
don't 'try' to solve my problems
don't even 'try' to LISTEN to my problems (because honestly, you should've done that years ago)
just... fuck off.
how the hell am i supposed to know what to do with my life?
you're asking me to make all my life's decisions within ten minutes.
i can't do that
even you fucking told me at my age you didn't know what to do.
SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ME TO FIGURE EVERYTHING OUT?
just...
ugh.
i'm trying my best to solve all these problems
but i'm no one man miracle.
you're telling me to make all these decisions
and honestly this is all getting to me.
you know what?
i fucking hate christmas now.
for the past few years, christmas has always sucked ass for me
i hate this.
screw that, i hate life.
i hate MY life.
you want me to make decisions?
well, keep this up, and there won't be decisions to make
because i won't even fucking be here anymore.
Why does this always happen?
Problems just keep piling up
and no one understands.
no one fucking understands how much i hate this
no one fucking understands how much i go through
its always 'my life sucks' 'fml' 'i epic failed' blah blah blah
fuck you
you don't fucking understand.
i hate this so fucking much.
i'm so tired of having to deal with everything
i'm so tired of people not trying to understand me
i'm so tired of everyone assuming they know who i am
i'm so tired of not having someone who i can actually trust
i'm so tired of life in general.
Why do i put up with all this crap?
'if this is how you view life, then you are depressed'
NO FUCKING KIDDING.
I'M SORRY, YOU ONLY NOTICED THAT NOW AFTER FUCKING HOW LONG?
jeezus christ.
you want me to talk to you?
why the hell should i talk to you when i know from experience that it won't do any good?
you don't understand.
you never understand.
no one understands.
so just fuck off
leave me alone
let me deal with my own crap
because honestly, that's how i've been getting through life
no thanks to you.
Like...
everything has gotten past the point where its just 'not okay' anymore.
its gotten to the point where i REALLY am so fucking tired of having to do the same thing each and every single day for the past fucking 15 years.
like seriously. gtfo of my life.
just..
leave me alone.
if i'm going to suffer, at least let me suffer in peace.
don't preach to me.
don't 'try' to solve my problems
don't even 'try' to LISTEN to my problems (because honestly, you should've done that years ago)
just... fuck off.
how the hell am i supposed to know what to do with my life?
you're asking me to make all my life's decisions within ten minutes.
i can't do that
even you fucking told me at my age you didn't know what to do.
SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ME TO FIGURE EVERYTHING OUT?
just...
ugh.
i'm trying my best to solve all these problems
but i'm no one man miracle.
you're telling me to make all these decisions
and honestly this is all getting to me.
you know what?
i fucking hate christmas now.
for the past few years, christmas has always sucked ass for me
i hate this.
screw that, i hate life.
i hate MY life.
you want me to make decisions?
well, keep this up, and there won't be decisions to make
because i won't even fucking be here anymore.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Wow.
haha...
wow, they made a song for this?
how ironic that i find it now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRnbEWVcmZg
just listen to the lyrics, or search it up if you can't hear it.
wow, they made a song for this?
how ironic that i find it now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRnbEWVcmZg
just listen to the lyrics, or search it up if you can't hear it.
We Wish You A Merry Christmas.
haha oh wow
so long since i blogged...
hummmmm... well, lots to talk about and i gotta type it all before my mom gets down from her shower and spazzes at me for staying up so late.
today was so fun =)
i really enjoyed today. i think this was probably one of the more happier days this month lmao.
me and christine went out job hunting~~
we spent a good part of the day just walking around CC dropping off resume's at wherever we thought looked good to work.
aha and we saw jennifer working =) wouldn't that be so awesome if we got a job at timothy's as well? although it could also be a bad thing because employers don't want chatty employee's right?
well, christine dropped off a total of 15 resume's i think... not sure, and i think i dropped off around 10 or 12.
PLEASE GOD, GIVE ME AN INTERVIEW OR TWO!!
I NEED THE MONEEYYYY T_____T
EMO TEARS. TT______________________TT
actually, if christine got an interview, i'd be even happier, because she is in more need of a job than me.
ooohh
today i saw carollers!!
when i first got to CC i saw these three pretty ladies singing jingle bells and it was so pretty!
you could clearly hear the soprano, alto and bass XD
the bass was so funny, you could hear the 'ba bum bum bum' in the background LOL
unfortunately i was halfway down the escalator when they finished the song so i couldn't applaud. applauding randomly would look really weird and i already had enough ppl staring at me.
omg, this freaky guy was sitting in the food court, and he kept staring at me. he freaking sat at a table facing me and just sat there and stared. so freaking awkward.
thankfully christine came and rescued me LOL.
i didn't think i would drop off that many resume's. i'm honestly surprised i had to go photocopy more. even though i know getting a job at like ardene's or claire's isn't the most professional, i'm hoping i do get a job there because i like to buy hair accessories XDD but tmrw i will be applying at stores in kingsway with my brother...hopefully (if he remembers to take me!)
then i think on the 28th i will go apply random places in londonderry... i already dropped off my resume at urban planet... and they said they would send my resume to londonderry location... hopefully they'll like my resume and give me an interview!!!
that'd be nice to work at urban planet... lots of clothes for me to buy C=
but then again... that could also be a bad thing... T__T spending my paycheck as soon as i get it. DAMN. LOL.
i want to apply at stores inside of northgate as well. i tend to like the smaller buisinesses more. i think it's because smaller buisinesses are more...cozy LOL does that even make sense? i guess not. whatever.
OOOOOO
i want to join an orchestraa!!
i want to learn the cello and join an orchestraaaaaaa~~~~~~~~~
that is my second goal in life now. i think that if i have time in the summer, i will go learn the cello. i love the lower voice instruments, but i don't want to have such a giant instrument like the standup bass. so cello is perfect for me since it can go low range and higher range =D
did i mention my goal for this winter holiday? i want to lose ten poundss haha
if i lose ten pounds i will be in the 'ideal weight' section again!!
thanks to all my baking and stuff, i've been gaining weight. it's actually quite sad. *sigh*
MUST LOSE WEIGHT TO WEAR NICER CLOTHES *__*
haha i think that sentence there made me sound a bit shallow and vain. XD
but... i looked at the picture of me and carol (santa carol LOL) and i was like
WHY DO I LOOK SO FAT?!??! NOOOOO
so
my goal
is to lose weight and become photogenic!!
plus i want to be able to wear a two piece swim suit for once. LOLLLL ;)
bah... i should really go to bed, i gotta dentist appointment at 11 in the morning at god knows where. always switching dentists... it's ridiculous really.
ddaammnn i don't wanna go back to school... because then whaley will test us for the mixolydian scales and what's the other one called... uhh... well i can't remember now. BUT I CAN'T DO ITTT~~ well. i can, but it's like agonizingly slow because i have to run through the major scale in my head. arrrgghh. nooooooooo~~ T__T
blah... i think i'll leave this blog here then i guess.
and in case i don't blog again before christmas...
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!
AND HAPPY BOXING DAY SHOPPING! C=
so long since i blogged...
hummmmm... well, lots to talk about and i gotta type it all before my mom gets down from her shower and spazzes at me for staying up so late.
today was so fun =)
i really enjoyed today. i think this was probably one of the more happier days this month lmao.
me and christine went out job hunting~~
we spent a good part of the day just walking around CC dropping off resume's at wherever we thought looked good to work.
aha and we saw jennifer working =) wouldn't that be so awesome if we got a job at timothy's as well? although it could also be a bad thing because employers don't want chatty employee's right?
well, christine dropped off a total of 15 resume's i think... not sure, and i think i dropped off around 10 or 12.
PLEASE GOD, GIVE ME AN INTERVIEW OR TWO!!
I NEED THE MONEEYYYY T_____T
EMO TEARS. TT______________________TT
actually, if christine got an interview, i'd be even happier, because she is in more need of a job than me.
ooohh
today i saw carollers!!
when i first got to CC i saw these three pretty ladies singing jingle bells and it was so pretty!
you could clearly hear the soprano, alto and bass XD
the bass was so funny, you could hear the 'ba bum bum bum' in the background LOL
unfortunately i was halfway down the escalator when they finished the song so i couldn't applaud. applauding randomly would look really weird and i already had enough ppl staring at me.
omg, this freaky guy was sitting in the food court, and he kept staring at me. he freaking sat at a table facing me and just sat there and stared. so freaking awkward.
thankfully christine came and rescued me LOL.
i didn't think i would drop off that many resume's. i'm honestly surprised i had to go photocopy more. even though i know getting a job at like ardene's or claire's isn't the most professional, i'm hoping i do get a job there because i like to buy hair accessories XDD but tmrw i will be applying at stores in kingsway with my brother...hopefully (if he remembers to take me!)
then i think on the 28th i will go apply random places in londonderry... i already dropped off my resume at urban planet... and they said they would send my resume to londonderry location... hopefully they'll like my resume and give me an interview!!!
that'd be nice to work at urban planet... lots of clothes for me to buy C=
but then again... that could also be a bad thing... T__T spending my paycheck as soon as i get it. DAMN. LOL.
i want to apply at stores inside of northgate as well. i tend to like the smaller buisinesses more. i think it's because smaller buisinesses are more...cozy LOL does that even make sense? i guess not. whatever.
OOOOOO
i want to join an orchestraa!!
i want to learn the cello and join an orchestraaaaaaa~~~~~~~~~
that is my second goal in life now. i think that if i have time in the summer, i will go learn the cello. i love the lower voice instruments, but i don't want to have such a giant instrument like the standup bass. so cello is perfect for me since it can go low range and higher range =D
did i mention my goal for this winter holiday? i want to lose ten poundss haha
if i lose ten pounds i will be in the 'ideal weight' section again!!
thanks to all my baking and stuff, i've been gaining weight. it's actually quite sad. *sigh*
MUST LOSE WEIGHT TO WEAR NICER CLOTHES *__*
haha i think that sentence there made me sound a bit shallow and vain. XD
but... i looked at the picture of me and carol (santa carol LOL) and i was like
WHY DO I LOOK SO FAT?!??! NOOOOO
so
my goal
is to lose weight and become photogenic!!
plus i want to be able to wear a two piece swim suit for once. LOLLLL ;)
bah... i should really go to bed, i gotta dentist appointment at 11 in the morning at god knows where. always switching dentists... it's ridiculous really.
ddaammnn i don't wanna go back to school... because then whaley will test us for the mixolydian scales and what's the other one called... uhh... well i can't remember now. BUT I CAN'T DO ITTT~~ well. i can, but it's like agonizingly slow because i have to run through the major scale in my head. arrrgghh. nooooooooo~~ T__T
blah... i think i'll leave this blog here then i guess.
and in case i don't blog again before christmas...
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!
AND HAPPY BOXING DAY SHOPPING! C=
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Dead.
i don't know what to say honestly.
the past week has been... a mess really
i'm constantly switching between bursting in tears and being really pissed and feeling nothing.
and like...
i'm so tired of everything..
i really really am.
i wish it would all end.
*sigh*
thats really all it is...
i just want everything to end...
for everything to go away.
i feel so empty inside it's like i'm dead almost.
i don't want to put effort into this anymore. i'm not getting any effort back so i've completely given up.
if i mean nothing to you, then fine. i give up. i'll just leave.
Honestly, it feels very... tense.
like there's something waiting to explode.
i hate this feeling.
i hate everyone acting awkward as soon as i enter the room.
i hate it so much. i hate it so much that i want to just scream.
why can't anyone understand?
i'm trying so hard... so very very hard and nothing good is coming of it.
I feel like i'm hated.
In band, i really feel like i'm hated.
i won't say it hurts... because i feel nothing. it makes me feel uncomfortable...
it makes me feel lonely.
How did things get this way?
and why am i the only one trying to fix it?
if this is how things are going to be from now on...
then i don't want to stay.
if i forever feel this way...
then i want to die.
if no one is coming to save me...
then i am already dead.
the past week has been... a mess really
i'm constantly switching between bursting in tears and being really pissed and feeling nothing.
and like...
i'm so tired of everything..
i really really am.
i wish it would all end.
*sigh*
thats really all it is...
i just want everything to end...
for everything to go away.
i feel so empty inside it's like i'm dead almost.
i don't want to put effort into this anymore. i'm not getting any effort back so i've completely given up.
if i mean nothing to you, then fine. i give up. i'll just leave.
Honestly, it feels very... tense.
like there's something waiting to explode.
i hate this feeling.
i hate everyone acting awkward as soon as i enter the room.
i hate it so much. i hate it so much that i want to just scream.
why can't anyone understand?
i'm trying so hard... so very very hard and nothing good is coming of it.
I feel like i'm hated.
In band, i really feel like i'm hated.
i won't say it hurts... because i feel nothing. it makes me feel uncomfortable...
it makes me feel lonely.
How did things get this way?
and why am i the only one trying to fix it?
if this is how things are going to be from now on...
then i don't want to stay.
if i forever feel this way...
then i want to die.
if no one is coming to save me...
then i am already dead.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Bored.
1.Do you still talk to the person who broke your heart?
he won't talk to me.
2. Have you ever seen your closest friend naked?
No
3. Are you obsessed with someone?
No
4. What is the best thing about your job?
hmm... other than it's self-fullfilling?
5. Do you like more than one person right now?
No
6. Name something that you would love to eat right now?
Seafood mushroom alfredo pasta
7. Did you get any compliments today?
what do you consider a compliment?
8. Who was the last person to call you?
uh... don't remember... i think melissa?
9. If you could pick the temperature of the outdoors for the rest of your life what would it be?
20 degrees celcius would be nice
10. Do you steal people's boyfriends or girlfriends?
no. why would I?
11. Are you happy?
right now? currently? what a stupid question to ask. obviously not. i feel like i'm drowning within myself.
12. Who was the last person you texted?
Don't got text.
13. Who was the last person you talked to on MSN?
Chris
14. Are you moody?
probably
15. Last person you hung out with?
Christine i guess in the band room.. but that wasn't really hang out, that was more of 'serious conversation' kinda thing
16. Have you ever tried to get back with an ex?
no. its still foreign to me that i even have an ex...
17. Have you ever toilet papered someones house?
i'm sorry, i actually HAVE a life
18. Have you ever gone camping?
the thought of bugs crawling all over me all night doesn't appeal to me much.
19. Have you ever gone to a nude beach?
no, i don't plan to either. where the hell IS a nude beach anywayz?
20. Have you ever had a stalker?
not that i know of.
21. Who was the last person to make you mad?
take a guess, i don't even want to say his name.
22. Are you thirsty?
Yes
23. Are you listening to music? What are you listening to?
not right now...
24. What do you do before bed?
i think about my life and do a self analysis. yes, i'm such a loser, but that's how i cope with my life.
25. Have you ever lied to your parents?
pft. obviously
26. Have you ever worn your best friend's clothes?
yeah. THANKS KACEY!
27. Have you ever thrown up from working out?
no
28. Last person you called?
Shevon
29. Future kid's name?
Isabella or Fiora or Priscilla or Florina or Farina or Eleanora or something that sounds like those kind of names :)
30. What are you doing tomorrow?
drowning myself in boredom
31. Are you on a laptop or a desktop?
Desktop
32. What is your mood?
...empty
33. Is anyone jealous of you?
How am i supposed to know?
34. When is the last time you got flowers?
never.
35. Where were you two hours ago?
At home
36. What were you doing last night?
LD practice
37. Has anyone ever used you?
dunno...
38. Has anyone ever told you that they like you more than as a friend?
Yes...
39. What have you eaten today?
Rice, what else?
40. Is your hair naturally curly, or straight?
pin straight. not even funny.
41. Who were you last in a car with?
Mom
42. What are you looking forward to?
getting over him.
43. What do you think about being cheated on?
i think that the cheaters in this world should go die.
44. Any of your friends getting married?
well, one of them WAS but then it didn't work out...
45. Who are you currently texting?
no one, i don't got text
46. Are you dating them?
no...
47. When was the last time you were truly happy with your life?
october... halloween party. not gonna say anymore...
48. Whens the last time you showered?
15 min ago?
49. What did you do at your lowest point in life?
sit at home and do this survey
50. What were the last two TV shows you watched?
American Dad, Friends
51. Who's a celebrity you find extremely attractive?
Orlando Bloom
52. Last kind of cereal that you ate
i HATE cereal with a passion.
53. Have you ever cried and didn't know why?
yes
54. What are you wearing on your feet?
Nothing
55. Who was the last person you slept in a bed with?
hum... well, i guess ashley on the band camp.. but she moved to the floor .
56. What year was your worst school picture taken?
grade 7... omfg....
57. Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
Not really
58. Do you like your name?
hum... its okay i guess
59. What was the last thing you drew on?
a notebook? a piece of paper?
60. Do you feel lonely at times?
at times? sorry, i think the word lonely describes what i feel most of the time.
61. Do you have feelings for anyone and if so, do they know?
-sigh- yes i still do and yea they know... but that's what's making my life miserable right now.
62. Things you first notice about boys:
personality and hair (it's the whole FOB thing)
63. What usually causes your fights with your friends?
dunno... haven't fought with a friend in ages.
64. Have you ever dated someone so ugly that everyone kept making fun of you?
no.
65. Do you like being in pictures?
...not really
66. Who was the last person you've seen throw up in person?
this girl in the washroom that made everyone in there swear not to tell anyone else.
67. Has someone tried to make you jealous?
idk... never noticed?
68. Do you tend to fall for people easily?
...idk, maybe?
69. Have you spent more time in your life single, or in a relationship?
single obviously, i've only been alive 15 years and i spent 8 years of my life acting like boys had cooties.
70. Is your bed room window open?
are you insane? it's the middle of winter!
71. Do you have any tattoos, if so which hurt the most?
none
72. Do you call anybody by their last name?
hmm.. Curtis maybe sometimes... but i usually call him ryan
73. Have you ever been called a bad influence?
not directly, i think i felt it though.
74. Do you like your life?
hmm... not really.
75. Ever walked into the guy's bathroom?
yup
76. Have you ever jumped in the pool with all your clothes on?
no
77. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
plenty
78. Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
i wish i could get him out of my mind now.
79. Do you ever wish you were famous?
no
he won't talk to me.
2. Have you ever seen your closest friend naked?
No
3. Are you obsessed with someone?
No
4. What is the best thing about your job?
hmm... other than it's self-fullfilling?
5. Do you like more than one person right now?
No
6. Name something that you would love to eat right now?
Seafood mushroom alfredo pasta
7. Did you get any compliments today?
what do you consider a compliment?
8. Who was the last person to call you?
uh... don't remember... i think melissa?
9. If you could pick the temperature of the outdoors for the rest of your life what would it be?
20 degrees celcius would be nice
10. Do you steal people's boyfriends or girlfriends?
no. why would I?
11. Are you happy?
right now? currently? what a stupid question to ask. obviously not. i feel like i'm drowning within myself.
12. Who was the last person you texted?
Don't got text.
13. Who was the last person you talked to on MSN?
Chris
14. Are you moody?
probably
15. Last person you hung out with?
Christine i guess in the band room.. but that wasn't really hang out, that was more of 'serious conversation' kinda thing
16. Have you ever tried to get back with an ex?
no. its still foreign to me that i even have an ex...
17. Have you ever toilet papered someones house?
i'm sorry, i actually HAVE a life
18. Have you ever gone camping?
the thought of bugs crawling all over me all night doesn't appeal to me much.
19. Have you ever gone to a nude beach?
no, i don't plan to either. where the hell IS a nude beach anywayz?
20. Have you ever had a stalker?
not that i know of.
21. Who was the last person to make you mad?
take a guess, i don't even want to say his name.
22. Are you thirsty?
Yes
23. Are you listening to music? What are you listening to?
not right now...
24. What do you do before bed?
i think about my life and do a self analysis. yes, i'm such a loser, but that's how i cope with my life.
25. Have you ever lied to your parents?
pft. obviously
26. Have you ever worn your best friend's clothes?
yeah. THANKS KACEY!
27. Have you ever thrown up from working out?
no
28. Last person you called?
Shevon
29. Future kid's name?
Isabella or Fiora or Priscilla or Florina or Farina or Eleanora or something that sounds like those kind of names :)
30. What are you doing tomorrow?
drowning myself in boredom
31. Are you on a laptop or a desktop?
Desktop
32. What is your mood?
...empty
33. Is anyone jealous of you?
How am i supposed to know?
34. When is the last time you got flowers?
never.
35. Where were you two hours ago?
At home
36. What were you doing last night?
LD practice
37. Has anyone ever used you?
dunno...
38. Has anyone ever told you that they like you more than as a friend?
Yes...
39. What have you eaten today?
Rice, what else?
40. Is your hair naturally curly, or straight?
pin straight. not even funny.
41. Who were you last in a car with?
Mom
42. What are you looking forward to?
getting over him.
43. What do you think about being cheated on?
i think that the cheaters in this world should go die.
44. Any of your friends getting married?
well, one of them WAS but then it didn't work out...
45. Who are you currently texting?
no one, i don't got text
46. Are you dating them?
no...
47. When was the last time you were truly happy with your life?
october... halloween party. not gonna say anymore...
48. Whens the last time you showered?
15 min ago?
49. What did you do at your lowest point in life?
sit at home and do this survey
50. What were the last two TV shows you watched?
American Dad, Friends
51. Who's a celebrity you find extremely attractive?
Orlando Bloom
52. Last kind of cereal that you ate
i HATE cereal with a passion.
53. Have you ever cried and didn't know why?
yes
54. What are you wearing on your feet?
Nothing
55. Who was the last person you slept in a bed with?
hum... well, i guess ashley on the band camp.. but she moved to the floor .
56. What year was your worst school picture taken?
grade 7... omfg....
57. Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
Not really
58. Do you like your name?
hum... its okay i guess
59. What was the last thing you drew on?
a notebook? a piece of paper?
60. Do you feel lonely at times?
at times? sorry, i think the word lonely describes what i feel most of the time.
61. Do you have feelings for anyone and if so, do they know?
-sigh- yes i still do and yea they know... but that's what's making my life miserable right now.
62. Things you first notice about boys:
personality and hair (it's the whole FOB thing)
63. What usually causes your fights with your friends?
dunno... haven't fought with a friend in ages.
64. Have you ever dated someone so ugly that everyone kept making fun of you?
no.
65. Do you like being in pictures?
...not really
66. Who was the last person you've seen throw up in person?
this girl in the washroom that made everyone in there swear not to tell anyone else.
67. Has someone tried to make you jealous?
idk... never noticed?
68. Do you tend to fall for people easily?
...idk, maybe?
69. Have you spent more time in your life single, or in a relationship?
single obviously, i've only been alive 15 years and i spent 8 years of my life acting like boys had cooties.
70. Is your bed room window open?
are you insane? it's the middle of winter!
71. Do you have any tattoos, if so which hurt the most?
none
72. Do you call anybody by their last name?
hmm.. Curtis maybe sometimes... but i usually call him ryan
73. Have you ever been called a bad influence?
not directly, i think i felt it though.
74. Do you like your life?
hmm... not really.
75. Ever walked into the guy's bathroom?
yup
76. Have you ever jumped in the pool with all your clothes on?
no
77. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
plenty
78. Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
i wish i could get him out of my mind now.
79. Do you ever wish you were famous?
no
True or False?
TRUE/FALSE
I am a cuddler - True
I am a morning person – False
I am a perfectionist - False
I am an only child - False
I am Catholic - False
I am currently in my pajamas - True
I am currently single - ...True
I am currently suffering from a broken heart - ...True
I am okay at styling other people’s hair – False
I am left handed – False
I am addicted to my myspace – False
I am very shy around the opposite gender - False
I bite my nails - True
I can be paranoid at times - True
I currently regret something that I have said ? True
When I get mad I curse frequently - True
I like someone - False
I enjoy country music - False
I enjoy jazz music - True
I enjoy smoothies - True
I enjoy talking on the phone - False
I have a pet - False
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal - True
I have a tendency to "fall" for the “wrong” person - how am i supposed to know? i've only fallen in love once and obviously that didn't work out.
I have all my grandparents – True
I have at least one sibling – True
I have been told that I am smart – True
I get higher then C’s in school - True
I have broken a bone - False
I have Caller I.D. on my phone - True (home phone)
I have changed a diaper – True
I have changed a lot over the past year- True
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair - False
I have had surgery - False
I have killed another person- False
I have had my hair cut within the last week - False
I have had the cops called on me - False
Name Someone
1. With brown hair: Chris
2. Younger than you: Katrina
3. In your class: Melissa
4. That is one of your best friends: Shevon
5. Someone that is older than you: Kacey
6. That lives close to you: Grandma on mom's side
7. With curly hair: am i allowed to say my grandma on my mom's side again?
8. That lives far away from you: erm... i dunno how to say it in english but translated directly from chinese would be 'big big big auntie' (dai dai dai yi ma). or my great grandma works too.
9. You love: _____________ i'd rather not answer this question.
I am a cuddler - True
I am a morning person – False
I am a perfectionist - False
I am an only child - False
I am Catholic - False
I am currently in my pajamas - True
I am currently single - ...True
I am currently suffering from a broken heart - ...True
I am okay at styling other people’s hair – False
I am left handed – False
I am addicted to my myspace – False
I am very shy around the opposite gender - False
I bite my nails - True
I can be paranoid at times - True
I currently regret something that I have said ? True
When I get mad I curse frequently - True
I like someone - False
I enjoy country music - False
I enjoy jazz music - True
I enjoy smoothies - True
I enjoy talking on the phone - False
I have a pet - False
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal - True
I have a tendency to "fall" for the “wrong” person - how am i supposed to know? i've only fallen in love once and obviously that didn't work out.
I have all my grandparents – True
I have at least one sibling – True
I have been told that I am smart – True
I get higher then C’s in school - True
I have broken a bone - False
I have Caller I.D. on my phone - True (home phone)
I have changed a diaper – True
I have changed a lot over the past year- True
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair - False
I have had surgery - False
I have killed another person- False
I have had my hair cut within the last week - False
I have had the cops called on me - False
Name Someone
1. With brown hair: Chris
2. Younger than you: Katrina
3. In your class: Melissa
4. That is one of your best friends: Shevon
5. Someone that is older than you: Kacey
6. That lives close to you: Grandma on mom's side
7. With curly hair: am i allowed to say my grandma on my mom's side again?
8. That lives far away from you: erm... i dunno how to say it in english but translated directly from chinese would be 'big big big auntie' (dai dai dai yi ma). or my great grandma works too.
9. You love: _____________ i'd rather not answer this question.
I Feel.
Why is it that even though i feel empty, the thought of you not being here anymore makes me feel emptier?
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Sorry, Forgot to add the time on the other blog.
Duration calculation results
From and including: Friday, April 27, 2007 at 3:30:00 PM
To, but not including : Wednesday, December 9, 2009 at 5:50:00 PM
The duration is 957 days, 2 hours, 20 minutes and 0 seconds
Or 2 years, 7 months, 12 days, 2 hours, 20 minutes
Note: This calculator does not take time zones, daylight saving time or leap seconds into account.
Alternative time units
957 days, 2 hours, 20 minutes and 0 seconds can be converted to one of these units:
•82,693,200 seconds
•1,378,220 minutes
•22,970 hours (rounded down)
•136 weeks (rounded down)
From and including: Friday, April 27, 2007 at 3:30:00 PM
To, but not including : Wednesday, December 9, 2009 at 5:50:00 PM
The duration is 957 days, 2 hours, 20 minutes and 0 seconds
Or 2 years, 7 months, 12 days, 2 hours, 20 minutes
Note: This calculator does not take time zones, daylight saving time or leap seconds into account.
Alternative time units
957 days, 2 hours, 20 minutes and 0 seconds can be converted to one of these units:
•82,693,200 seconds
•1,378,220 minutes
•22,970 hours (rounded down)
•136 weeks (rounded down)
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
The Run.
Duration calculation results
From and including: Friday, April 27, 2007
To and including: Wednesday, December 9, 2009
It is 958 days from the start date to the end date, end date included
Or 2 years, 7 months, 13 days including the end date
Alternative time units
958 days can be converted to one of these units:
•82,771,200 seconds
•1,379,520 minutes
•22,992 hours
•136 weeks (rounded down)
From and including: Friday, April 27, 2007
To and including: Wednesday, December 9, 2009
It is 958 days from the start date to the end date, end date included
Or 2 years, 7 months, 13 days including the end date
Alternative time units
958 days can be converted to one of these units:
•82,771,200 seconds
•1,379,520 minutes
•22,992 hours
•136 weeks (rounded down)
Monday, December 7, 2009
Bittersweet.
Today was okay...
but... honestly, at the very end of the day, i felt like crying.
So, me and kelvin and christine were the last to leave the band room.
and when christine is busy doing all the last minute stuff, kelvin pulls me aside to talk to me.
and he asked me if i was 'okay' and told me that he 'didn't mean it that way' and i actually felt a bit better.
and then he said something that made me want to cry harder than before.
he told me 'i just don't want it to get serious'.
i'm sorry, what did you say?
is this... just a fling to you? i understand that you don't want something crazy serious like 'marry-me' serious, but...still.
i thought i was over the fact that you were going to leave after graduation. i thought i had accepted that fact. apparently i didn't.
I don't want to be wasting my time. If this is just a fling to you, then please, tell me so i can at least get the 'heart-break' over with and move on to someone who is actually willing to let this relationship go somewhere.
argh... it's just... that's not what i want to say...
you have no idea, when you said that to me, exactly how i felt.
it felt like someone had driven something into my heart and started twisting it.
and the stupid thing was, after that, you asked if i was okay again and i just laughed and said yes.
i can't do this anymore. i don't want to do this.
i don't understand. How can you even do this?
how are you able to be so heartless as to say 'i love you', yet not mean a word of it and not even take something like this seriously?
what, you don't want for our relationship to go anywhere for fear that you won't be able to just get up and leave?
fuck... i mean... do you know how much it hurts to just LISTEN to you say that?
to know that someone so close and precious to you will just get up and leave after a certain amount of time. it kills me on the inside. it really does.
and to think that this means nothing to you at all...
what am i supposed to do?
you told me to 'just enjoy the moment'
i'm sorry, you just ruined 'the moment' the minute you told me that this wasn't going anywhere and that i was wasting my time.
how are you able to do that?
how are you so heartless, that you could just get up and leave after so much?
how are you so heartless, that you are able to just talk about it casually?
how are you so heartless, that you are able to still continue on even after knowing that i don't want just a 'fling'?
Maybe i was expecting too much from you.
Thanks for breaking my heart.
but... honestly, at the very end of the day, i felt like crying.
So, me and kelvin and christine were the last to leave the band room.
and when christine is busy doing all the last minute stuff, kelvin pulls me aside to talk to me.
and he asked me if i was 'okay' and told me that he 'didn't mean it that way' and i actually felt a bit better.
and then he said something that made me want to cry harder than before.
he told me 'i just don't want it to get serious'.
i'm sorry, what did you say?
is this... just a fling to you? i understand that you don't want something crazy serious like 'marry-me' serious, but...still.
i thought i was over the fact that you were going to leave after graduation. i thought i had accepted that fact. apparently i didn't.
I don't want to be wasting my time. If this is just a fling to you, then please, tell me so i can at least get the 'heart-break' over with and move on to someone who is actually willing to let this relationship go somewhere.
argh... it's just... that's not what i want to say...
you have no idea, when you said that to me, exactly how i felt.
it felt like someone had driven something into my heart and started twisting it.
and the stupid thing was, after that, you asked if i was okay again and i just laughed and said yes.
i can't do this anymore. i don't want to do this.
i don't understand. How can you even do this?
how are you able to be so heartless as to say 'i love you', yet not mean a word of it and not even take something like this seriously?
what, you don't want for our relationship to go anywhere for fear that you won't be able to just get up and leave?
fuck... i mean... do you know how much it hurts to just LISTEN to you say that?
to know that someone so close and precious to you will just get up and leave after a certain amount of time. it kills me on the inside. it really does.
and to think that this means nothing to you at all...
what am i supposed to do?
you told me to 'just enjoy the moment'
i'm sorry, you just ruined 'the moment' the minute you told me that this wasn't going anywhere and that i was wasting my time.
how are you able to do that?
how are you so heartless, that you could just get up and leave after so much?
how are you so heartless, that you are able to just talk about it casually?
how are you so heartless, that you are able to still continue on even after knowing that i don't want just a 'fling'?
Maybe i was expecting too much from you.
Thanks for breaking my heart.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
FML.
So.
i'm determined to figure out what the hell is really bothering me. cause if i figure this out, then at least i can tell kelvin and if things go downhill from there, then whatever, at least he knows.
i'm still kinda thinking it's the whole 'what if he doesn't love me' kinda thing. idunno. could be, maybe not.
or maybe it's because i'm jealous?
because on friday, he promised to help me with my essay, and instead, he shoved my essay to the side to help melissa for the entire class with her essay even though she got 81% which is the second highest mark after kelvin (83%)
grah. now that i think about it, that could be it. but that hurt me more than it made me mad i guess... it proves how little the promises he makes to me means to him. the fact that he would just brush it off like that and completely forget about it while helping someone else out who doesn't need the help as much as i do makes me feel like i don't matter.
you know that feeling where you feel like you're just there for a 'back up'? yeah, that's how i feel.
and i already talked about the londonderry concert and how i was kinda a 'last minute thought'.
But... it makes me so upset.
Maybe that's it.
maybe it's because i don't want to be treated like a back up anymore.
Just because i'm always there doesn't mean that i always will be.
i'm so very tempted to skip school and see if he even cares. besides, we can't exempt on attendence anymore so who cares?
wahh... i need to talk to chris T____T
maybe chris can help me.
blaarrgghh... CHRIS, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, CAN YOU TALK TO ME AT LUNCH TMRW T____T
ah who am i kidding, i probably posted this blog too late... oh well, i guess i can always talk to him in band... and jass band.
-sigh- but...
i've told him that so many times though.
i've told him time and time again that i won't be there forever.
i don't think it's registering with him.
i want to make him realize that i'm not something he should take for granted.
because first of all, he's the one who is leaving after we graduate. HE'S the one who put a time limit on our relationship. HE'S the one who doesn't put any effort into our relationship to begin with.
GAH. for crying out loud, this doesn't even SEEM like a relationship.
what do you call it when a guy and a girl are 'together' but never spend time together outside of school and he never calls her and even IN school he doesn't even make her feel loved?
what do you call that?
i call it a shitty relationship. Maybe you agree?
maybe it's the time of season getting to me...
just looking at the snow and thinking of winter break makes me so upset because of the memories of last year...
god, that was so fucked up. not even joking.
last year, you know what he did?
ugh, i'm not even sure i want to type it up.
fuck.
last year
on the last day of school before winter break.
we exchanged gifts.
what did he do?
he rejected my gift and started yelling at me.
right in front of the office where a lot of people are.
now, can you say that i have no reason to be angry?
stupid thing is, i still have the gift from last year.
that's money wasted right there.
fucking hells.
i'm not even going to get him a christmas gift this year.
screw that.
and to make things even worse,
i planned a get together at the last week of winter break
and so i invited everyone
and out of courtesy i invited kelvin too, but i didn't plan for him to come because he didn't come to any of the gatherings i planned throughout the holidays.
i didn't even WANT to invite him because truthfully, i was planning to break up with him as soon as we got back to school.
yeah. he shows up.
and i was PISSED.
because first of all, he had NO RIGHT to just suddenly show up after just blowing off all the other get togethers. second of all, he acted like nothing ever happened.
he was all 'smiles and happiness'.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
so you show up, after yelling at me in front of possible a quarter of the school and after rejecting my gift, and then pretend like it never happened?
what are you, fucking insane?
and he had the NERVE to act like he missed me so much.
how rich. you liar.
so while we're in front of people we don't know, then you get mad at me.
but in front of all our friends, you never look anywhere else but me and just smile?
oh come on, stop bullshitting me. you even dare to joke and tease me like a first date? (which by the way, HAS NEVER HAPPENED ONCE IN 2 YEARS AND 7 MONTHS)
i don't know what you enjoy more. ruining my holidays or just slowly killing me on the inside.
ugh. you know what?
tmrw, i'll just tell him.
tell him that i'm in a sour mood because of what happened last year. i'm angry that he takes me for granted, and i'm upset because despite all of this crap i've gone through, i STILL love him (god knows why) and he possibly doesn't even care.
FML.
i'm determined to figure out what the hell is really bothering me. cause if i figure this out, then at least i can tell kelvin and if things go downhill from there, then whatever, at least he knows.
i'm still kinda thinking it's the whole 'what if he doesn't love me' kinda thing. idunno. could be, maybe not.
or maybe it's because i'm jealous?
because on friday, he promised to help me with my essay, and instead, he shoved my essay to the side to help melissa for the entire class with her essay even though she got 81% which is the second highest mark after kelvin (83%)
grah. now that i think about it, that could be it. but that hurt me more than it made me mad i guess... it proves how little the promises he makes to me means to him. the fact that he would just brush it off like that and completely forget about it while helping someone else out who doesn't need the help as much as i do makes me feel like i don't matter.
you know that feeling where you feel like you're just there for a 'back up'? yeah, that's how i feel.
and i already talked about the londonderry concert and how i was kinda a 'last minute thought'.
But... it makes me so upset.
Maybe that's it.
maybe it's because i don't want to be treated like a back up anymore.
Just because i'm always there doesn't mean that i always will be.
i'm so very tempted to skip school and see if he even cares. besides, we can't exempt on attendence anymore so who cares?
wahh... i need to talk to chris T____T
maybe chris can help me.
blaarrgghh... CHRIS, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, CAN YOU TALK TO ME AT LUNCH TMRW T____T
ah who am i kidding, i probably posted this blog too late... oh well, i guess i can always talk to him in band... and jass band.
-sigh- but...
i've told him that so many times though.
i've told him time and time again that i won't be there forever.
i don't think it's registering with him.
i want to make him realize that i'm not something he should take for granted.
because first of all, he's the one who is leaving after we graduate. HE'S the one who put a time limit on our relationship. HE'S the one who doesn't put any effort into our relationship to begin with.
GAH. for crying out loud, this doesn't even SEEM like a relationship.
what do you call it when a guy and a girl are 'together' but never spend time together outside of school and he never calls her and even IN school he doesn't even make her feel loved?
what do you call that?
i call it a shitty relationship. Maybe you agree?
maybe it's the time of season getting to me...
just looking at the snow and thinking of winter break makes me so upset because of the memories of last year...
god, that was so fucked up. not even joking.
last year, you know what he did?
ugh, i'm not even sure i want to type it up.
fuck.
last year
on the last day of school before winter break.
we exchanged gifts.
what did he do?
he rejected my gift and started yelling at me.
right in front of the office where a lot of people are.
now, can you say that i have no reason to be angry?
stupid thing is, i still have the gift from last year.
that's money wasted right there.
fucking hells.
i'm not even going to get him a christmas gift this year.
screw that.
and to make things even worse,
i planned a get together at the last week of winter break
and so i invited everyone
and out of courtesy i invited kelvin too, but i didn't plan for him to come because he didn't come to any of the gatherings i planned throughout the holidays.
i didn't even WANT to invite him because truthfully, i was planning to break up with him as soon as we got back to school.
yeah. he shows up.
and i was PISSED.
because first of all, he had NO RIGHT to just suddenly show up after just blowing off all the other get togethers. second of all, he acted like nothing ever happened.
he was all 'smiles and happiness'.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
so you show up, after yelling at me in front of possible a quarter of the school and after rejecting my gift, and then pretend like it never happened?
what are you, fucking insane?
and he had the NERVE to act like he missed me so much.
how rich. you liar.
so while we're in front of people we don't know, then you get mad at me.
but in front of all our friends, you never look anywhere else but me and just smile?
oh come on, stop bullshitting me. you even dare to joke and tease me like a first date? (which by the way, HAS NEVER HAPPENED ONCE IN 2 YEARS AND 7 MONTHS)
i don't know what you enjoy more. ruining my holidays or just slowly killing me on the inside.
ugh. you know what?
tmrw, i'll just tell him.
tell him that i'm in a sour mood because of what happened last year. i'm angry that he takes me for granted, and i'm upset because despite all of this crap i've gone through, i STILL love him (god knows why) and he possibly doesn't even care.
FML.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
All I Want For Christmas.
All i want for christmas is for you to be able to say to me 'i love you' and mean it from the bottom of your heart.
...now if someone would only tell kelvin that.
...now if someone would only tell kelvin that.
Friday, December 4, 2009
What Would You Do.
-sigh-
so i guess
i might have overreacted on yesterday's note.
because today changed my mind.
i started crying at lunch and i think i kinda made kelvin feel awkward, since he honestly didn't know how to get me to stop crying.
it's just... i dunno, something in me snapped.
i think maybe what happened yesterday was the catalyst and everything just overflowed.
I feel kinda bad...
because after school today, when me and kelvin were walking to the front doors, he said "tell me honestly what's wrong"
and that made me realize that he knew that there was something honestly wrong with me (and the fact that he didn't believe what i told him)
i told him most of the stuff that i was upset about. actually, scratch that, i told him everything.
but like... i agree with kelvin. there's still something that's bothering me and it's eating away at me.
Today, i asked kelvin if he honestly loved me and i think it may have been his reply that has been bothering me.
The first time i asked him if he loved me, he said yes. then made a 'idunno' sound.
The second time i asked him if he HONESTLY loved me. and he didn't reply, and instead, he said he would talk to me later about it. (which he didn't)
and i guess that kinda struck fear into me. because i'm already at the point where i love him too much to let go.
...
i'm so screwed
...
but...
i dunno...
when we were standing outside waiting for our rides, and right before he left, he said "You know you can trust me right?"
does that mean he thinks i don't trust him?
i trust him more than i trust myself goddammit.
i trust him so much that it's scary.
i trust him so much that it DOES scare me.
i know he hates it when i cry, and i know that when i even look like i'm about to cry, it gives him a heart attack. but like... i want to tell him whats wrong, but i keep thinking that he'll just think i'm complaining again. not to mention this time of year brings back bad memories about last year.
-sigh-
What would you do if you thought the person you loved most in this world didn't love you back?
so i guess
i might have overreacted on yesterday's note.
because today changed my mind.
i started crying at lunch and i think i kinda made kelvin feel awkward, since he honestly didn't know how to get me to stop crying.
it's just... i dunno, something in me snapped.
i think maybe what happened yesterday was the catalyst and everything just overflowed.
I feel kinda bad...
because after school today, when me and kelvin were walking to the front doors, he said "tell me honestly what's wrong"
and that made me realize that he knew that there was something honestly wrong with me (and the fact that he didn't believe what i told him)
i told him most of the stuff that i was upset about. actually, scratch that, i told him everything.
but like... i agree with kelvin. there's still something that's bothering me and it's eating away at me.
Today, i asked kelvin if he honestly loved me and i think it may have been his reply that has been bothering me.
The first time i asked him if he loved me, he said yes. then made a 'idunno' sound.
The second time i asked him if he HONESTLY loved me. and he didn't reply, and instead, he said he would talk to me later about it. (which he didn't)
and i guess that kinda struck fear into me. because i'm already at the point where i love him too much to let go.
...
i'm so screwed
...
but...
i dunno...
when we were standing outside waiting for our rides, and right before he left, he said "You know you can trust me right?"
does that mean he thinks i don't trust him?
i trust him more than i trust myself goddammit.
i trust him so much that it's scary.
i trust him so much that it DOES scare me.
i know he hates it when i cry, and i know that when i even look like i'm about to cry, it gives him a heart attack. but like... i want to tell him whats wrong, but i keep thinking that he'll just think i'm complaining again. not to mention this time of year brings back bad memories about last year.
-sigh-
What would you do if you thought the person you loved most in this world didn't love you back?
Thursday, December 3, 2009
I just want.
i hate this.
i honestly fucking hate this. i don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Starting from last friday, it feels like i don't even know myself... and it feels like everyone hates me.
Last friday i spazzed out at LD because everyone wouldn't shut the hell up. It was so goddamn noisy and like we were learning "Conquering the battlefield" and i was trying to help alice since she was the only person who didn't seem to get it. but it was so DAMN noisy and like i just snapped. i started yelling at them to shut the hell up because i couldn't even hear myself yelling over thier stupid noise. Like really, if you got the drum pattern, at least allow others the chance to achieve the same. Don't be selfish and take away that chance. Have some respect for your peers and just SHUT THE FUCK UP. iunno... like... i felt bad afterwards for yelling like that but they deserved it. however, i will admit that the way i went about telling them to be quiet was disrepectful as well and totally uncalled for so i feel quite bad about it.
Bah... i guess it was after that incident that everything started to go downhill.
We couldn't play anything in band and like whaley had to cut out one song from our concert because some people couldn't play it at all. and like it mad me really mad. He told us since the first day we got 'Mars' that we would be playing it. and we knew there were some challenging parts and yet no one worked on them. so in the end, whaley got pissed and just cut it. Like really, it's always the same people who can't get it and it makes me so mad. Put some effort into this. Everyone else did so why don't you? and like... i spent my time to work out the part, and i learned it so i could play it. i have just as many hard parts as you if not more. and like... even the songs that we ARE playing in the concert, i don't even think that we play them very well. Some parts are muddy and some just plain messy. Not to mention we always speed up or slow down and are never consistant with our tempo.
-sigh- and plus, i forgot to wash my cup 2 classes in a row and i feel bad about making whaley clean up after me.
ugh
Londonderry's Concert was terrible. The music wasn't terrible, it was just... the people and atmosphere i guess.
i don't even think i will attend any more londonderry concerts after this one. i hate sitting between euphemia and kelvin.
all they did was bitch about how stupid the kids were and how horrible they played.
IF THEY'RE SO FUCKING HORRIBLE, THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU COME TO THE CONCERT.
and kelvin, like seriously, what the fuck?
i understand that you are the more critical type, but really now, don't keep spouting mean comments every 3 seconds. and it doesn't help that you kept saying the F bomb while there were CHILDREN behind us. children about 4-7 years old. grow up. seriously. They are grade 7's okay? they're NEW to this, they haven't been at it for 5 years like we have, stop criticizing them using our standards. it's like criticizing a 3 year old for not drawing 3-D objects. THEY DON'T FUCKING KNOW HOW TO. THEY'RE NEW AT IT. THEY DON'T HAVE EXPERIENCE.
and even i had some criticism, but at least i kept them to myself. keep in mind that THEY AREN'T US. at least tolerate them. don't go and call them stupid and insult them. and yes i can understand you wanting to punch some of them for ordering you around and talking back to you, but the others didn't do anything, so if you're going to critique, do it correctly and only on one person.
ugh. like fuck
and then halfway through, kelvin just got up and went to go stand with mike at the back and left me sitting in the front with euphemia.
he didn't come back until the very end.
what am i? some last minute thought? fuck you, i'm not a person that you should remember at the last minute. i don't know why i bother. and you even DARE to come back and ask me 'What's wrong?'
don't ask me that stupid question when it's so fucking obvious what the hell is wrong.
and don't ask me if i'm 'still mad' either because i'm pretty sure that's obvious as well.
I hate everyting right now. i'm so upset. i spent an hour and a half in the shower crying. and i still feel like crying.
you know what upset me the most?
well, actually i don't know WHY this upset me the most, but like
when i was sitting in the front with euphemia, she said: 'jeez, when is kelvin coming back? you're so boring'
excuse me? this is a concert. people came to LISTEN. not to talk and insult other people. SORRY for not talking to you while they were playing their music. SORRY for not agreeing with your insults. SORRY for not contributing in your 'hating' of londonderry's music program.
I said this before and i'll say it again: GROW UP.
don't stay so fucking immature.
you two always complain about justin and jesse not helping and stuff and i agree with you that they need to help and grow up as well. but you are no better when you act like this. and to be honest, when you act like this, i feel like i hate you.
i feel like i don't know you and i feel like shooting myself.
people were staring at us for crying out loud.
they were looking at us when kelvin and euphemia were passing around disses.
why should I get lumped in with them when i did not contribute to thier conversation, and even disapproved of their actions?
WHY?
ugh. just... ugh.
i hate this.
i hate everything right now.
i want to scream, and cry, and scream some more.
i just want it to end.
i honestly fucking hate this. i don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Starting from last friday, it feels like i don't even know myself... and it feels like everyone hates me.
Last friday i spazzed out at LD because everyone wouldn't shut the hell up. It was so goddamn noisy and like we were learning "Conquering the battlefield" and i was trying to help alice since she was the only person who didn't seem to get it. but it was so DAMN noisy and like i just snapped. i started yelling at them to shut the hell up because i couldn't even hear myself yelling over thier stupid noise. Like really, if you got the drum pattern, at least allow others the chance to achieve the same. Don't be selfish and take away that chance. Have some respect for your peers and just SHUT THE FUCK UP. iunno... like... i felt bad afterwards for yelling like that but they deserved it. however, i will admit that the way i went about telling them to be quiet was disrepectful as well and totally uncalled for so i feel quite bad about it.
Bah... i guess it was after that incident that everything started to go downhill.
We couldn't play anything in band and like whaley had to cut out one song from our concert because some people couldn't play it at all. and like it mad me really mad. He told us since the first day we got 'Mars' that we would be playing it. and we knew there were some challenging parts and yet no one worked on them. so in the end, whaley got pissed and just cut it. Like really, it's always the same people who can't get it and it makes me so mad. Put some effort into this. Everyone else did so why don't you? and like... i spent my time to work out the part, and i learned it so i could play it. i have just as many hard parts as you if not more. and like... even the songs that we ARE playing in the concert, i don't even think that we play them very well. Some parts are muddy and some just plain messy. Not to mention we always speed up or slow down and are never consistant with our tempo.
-sigh- and plus, i forgot to wash my cup 2 classes in a row and i feel bad about making whaley clean up after me.
ugh
Londonderry's Concert was terrible. The music wasn't terrible, it was just... the people and atmosphere i guess.
i don't even think i will attend any more londonderry concerts after this one. i hate sitting between euphemia and kelvin.
all they did was bitch about how stupid the kids were and how horrible they played.
IF THEY'RE SO FUCKING HORRIBLE, THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU COME TO THE CONCERT.
and kelvin, like seriously, what the fuck?
i understand that you are the more critical type, but really now, don't keep spouting mean comments every 3 seconds. and it doesn't help that you kept saying the F bomb while there were CHILDREN behind us. children about 4-7 years old. grow up. seriously. They are grade 7's okay? they're NEW to this, they haven't been at it for 5 years like we have, stop criticizing them using our standards. it's like criticizing a 3 year old for not drawing 3-D objects. THEY DON'T FUCKING KNOW HOW TO. THEY'RE NEW AT IT. THEY DON'T HAVE EXPERIENCE.
and even i had some criticism, but at least i kept them to myself. keep in mind that THEY AREN'T US. at least tolerate them. don't go and call them stupid and insult them. and yes i can understand you wanting to punch some of them for ordering you around and talking back to you, but the others didn't do anything, so if you're going to critique, do it correctly and only on one person.
ugh. like fuck
and then halfway through, kelvin just got up and went to go stand with mike at the back and left me sitting in the front with euphemia.
he didn't come back until the very end.
what am i? some last minute thought? fuck you, i'm not a person that you should remember at the last minute. i don't know why i bother. and you even DARE to come back and ask me 'What's wrong?'
don't ask me that stupid question when it's so fucking obvious what the hell is wrong.
and don't ask me if i'm 'still mad' either because i'm pretty sure that's obvious as well.
I hate everyting right now. i'm so upset. i spent an hour and a half in the shower crying. and i still feel like crying.
you know what upset me the most?
well, actually i don't know WHY this upset me the most, but like
when i was sitting in the front with euphemia, she said: 'jeez, when is kelvin coming back? you're so boring'
excuse me? this is a concert. people came to LISTEN. not to talk and insult other people. SORRY for not talking to you while they were playing their music. SORRY for not agreeing with your insults. SORRY for not contributing in your 'hating' of londonderry's music program.
I said this before and i'll say it again: GROW UP.
don't stay so fucking immature.
you two always complain about justin and jesse not helping and stuff and i agree with you that they need to help and grow up as well. but you are no better when you act like this. and to be honest, when you act like this, i feel like i hate you.
i feel like i don't know you and i feel like shooting myself.
people were staring at us for crying out loud.
they were looking at us when kelvin and euphemia were passing around disses.
why should I get lumped in with them when i did not contribute to thier conversation, and even disapproved of their actions?
WHY?
ugh. just... ugh.
i hate this.
i hate everything right now.
i want to scream, and cry, and scream some more.
i just want it to end.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
A Burden.
i don't know why i bother with you. You only ever bring pain. And the worse bit is, when you leave, it's probably going to hurt even more.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
I'll Protect You.
I feel so much better today :)
sickness is mostly gone. just a bit of a sore throat. but otherwise completely fine! ^-^
Hopefully it'll stay that way for tmrw when i go to band camp... OH SHIT, shevonnn did i tell you it was this week?!?! i forgot... but i'll be back on tuesday. Jess should be there so i don't htink i have to worry too much... oopsies, i'll see if i can slip a note into your locker or something before i go...
anyways...
last night was cute XD
uh oh
hold that thought
i just scratched off some of my skin...
blah, this is why i bite my nails, so that they don't hurt me.
bleah, whatever. i'll just leave it alone. doesn't hurt anyways.
so yesterday i went to logan's house for a halloween party and to be honest, i was actually a bit surprised.
there were only...6 of us to begin with, and then 7 towards the end.
like usually it's a much bigger party that that. usually about 10-15 people. for some odd reason, the lack of people reminded me about how many people have told me that they hated logan.
Like... apparently logan invited chris, but chris didn't show, probably because he lives out of town and it was so late, but...
like even chris hates logan. But he doesn't show it. which i find really weird, because before chris told me, i thought that he was okay with him and stuff... but then again, in jr high when chris first came, logan always treated him like crap and stuff... so i can't blame him.
and like... even zane hates logan to a certain extent. like, he said that the only reason he didn't buy an agenda was because logan's face was on there. but zain was at the party. hell, he's at EVERY one of logan's parties. and he even invites logan out to his cabin with kelvin and the others too. like wtf?
if you're going to hate him, then hate him, don't act friendly at the same time. it confuses me.
so yeah...
there were only 7 of us. Logan, Ashley, Kelvin, Me, Ryan, Zain, and Branwen came towards the end after she finished trick or treating.
i was really happy though
when i changed into my costume, it actually looked decent.
Even though kelvin was a douche for about the first 15 minutes by ignoring me.
but he complimented the kimono after and said that it looked very pretty on me so i guess that redeemed him...a bit.
I was shocked though at how long we just spent talking. Like we completely relived our jr high days (i felt so sorry for Ryan since he didn't go to londonderry, he was so confused) and it was actually really fun. I've never seen kelvin talk so much. Honestly, he was the one who kept up the conversation the entire time. i think... i really liked hearing the sound of kelvin's voice. or maybe it was because when he was talking, he sounded like he was really having fun... and i guess that makes me happy inside just knowing that he's happy too. we spent like... an hour and 45 min just sitting there and talking. we promised to show Mrs. bluette to Ryan someday XD
after that we played board gamess. i forgot what the first game was called, but it was basically like the same game we played last year. only a bit modified.
Cranium. that's it.
but it's like a different branch of Cranium. where instead of just acting it, you roll a dice to see whether you'll be creating a tongue twister, drawing it, acting it, or making sounds etc to get the other players to guess what the card it. there's who, what and where's so it's really hard lol.apparently, ryan fails at drawing. his card was 'fortune cookie' and we spent like 20 minutes trying to guess what the hell he was trying to draw. did i mention that the time limit for the game was 15 min? yeah. we cheated like so many times and just rewound the time LOL
so first, he tried to draw a chocolate chip cookie. cookie, fortune cookie right?
and so...
he drew what was apparently a 'circle' but it looked like a pear to all of us
so we started guessing random fruits (did i mention that when it was kelvin's turn previously, he had the card 'red square' [ from russian history ] and so he kept drawing squares, and none of us could get it [zain got it in the end] and we just kept shouting 'BOX' for like 5 minutes until kelvin got pissed off? XD)
anywayz
so curtis drew a pear like 'circle'
and so while everyone was guessing random fruits constantly (remember we're on a time limit) kelvin just kept repeating 'box' over and over again until i threatened to strangle him. then ryan drew small circles (that actually resembeled circles) inside the bigger circle. apparently that was supposed to be the chocolate chips.
and so then we're like 'CIRCLE WITH HOLES!' 'SWISS CHEESE!' 'GRENADE!' 'BOX!' (you can guess who said that last one)
and then.... the most randomest thing ever.
ryan drew like a small rectangle poking out of two ends of the cookie...
it was supposed to be the 'fortune'
yeah... it just looked like a roast potatoe with holes to me... the ends of the rectangle weren't even lined up! XD
but yeah.. eventually kelvin had to look at the card and helped ryan.
the funny thing was
as soon as kelvin drew half of a fortune cookie we all shouted 'FORTUNE COOKIE' XD
took kelvin 3 seconds and curtis 20 minutes LMAO.
but yeah.. that was so funny.
apparently, i'm very lucky. i guess random things that happen to be the answer.
i randomly guessed barbie on kelvin's turn and i was right LOL XDD
oooh did i mention, that kelvin went first and so his first card was 'speedo'? XDD
haha it was so funny
because he gave us the hint 'it's bigger than a string, but smaller than pants' (that was another category, using metaphors to describe the card) and so ashley guessed underwear and kelvin nodded and so we just kept guessing from there...
it went from underwear to boxers to tightie whities to panties to thongs and then finally ashley said speedo XD
it was so fun... i think the best one was when i had to act out christopher columbus while only able to make noises and act. XD
haha i was so random.
i did like this crazy superhero pose like dominating the land or something (kinda like when you put your foot on a rock and yeah) and then i made a victory noise. from there i did like a 'seeker/binocular' kind thing and then (this part is so embarassing HAHA) i tried to make these crazy indian sounds and then i was about to do like a 'X' sign with my hands and make a buzzer noise and then zain just yells out 'CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS' XD
everyone was laughing so hard and was like 'how the fuck did you get that?!?!?!'
but i think my history was right.
he was an english explorer who set out in search of india
but he came to north america and saw the natives
who he incorrectly deemed the indians
so i think i was right lol. once i explained it then it made more sense to everyone LOL. we laughed for 5 minutes on that...
but once we actually finished the supposedly '15 minute game' it was already 2 hours later LOL.
then we played 'clue' which is like a detective game...
i paired up with kelvin because there could only be 6 players
and it's really hard to explain..
but basically there are different rooms on the board
it's like a house
you have your kitchen and dining room and living room and shit
and so
basically there has been a murder in the house
and you don't know who it is
so you take your character piece
and you roll the die
and move spaces whatever
and so
each tiem you enter a room
you can make a rumor
where you say stuff like 'i think this person did it with this weapon in this area'
but the catch is the area can only be the room you are currently in.
and so
we are all dealt cards
that can be either characters, weapons or rooms
and there is one of each of those cards hidden in an envelope that is put in the 'pool' room. and another 3 random cards put on top of the envelope.
and so
you create a rumor
and then when everyone has heard the rumor
going clockwise, if you have a card that was in the rumor
you show it to the person who made the rumor to begin with.
only one card can be shown. say if the person next to the one who made the rumor had a card, once they showed it, no one else has to show their card if they have one.
therefore, through the process of elimination (we have a tally sheet thingy) we can narrow it down so in the end, you go to the pool room and make an accusation.
(the three extra cards in the pool room are just there so you can go in there and look at them once. but you can only enter the pool twice, once to see the three cards, another to make an accusation)
if you accuse wrongly, you are out of the game.
We didn't play the game properly because we took out the '8 clock' cards.
T___T that was what freaked me out.
I know it was a game..
but like
apparently (because each time you roll a question mark or you land on a question mark square or someone summons you to a room by making a rumor about you, you pick up a information card)
the '8 clock' cards are mixed in with the information cards..
and so
if you pick one up
then you just died.
you were murdered. finished. dead.
and so...
i don't know WHY that scared me so much
but it just did
maybe it was because logan had creepy music in the background and because it was so dark...
but yeah.
it's like one of those horror movies you know?
where their in the house... can't get out and there's something in the house with them killing the people...
but yeah...
it really scared me...
but (here comes the reason i started this whole blog to begin with)
kelvin was really sweet.
i told him i was scared about a quarter way into the game
and he hugged me and told me that he would protect me XD awwe XDD
(i was very tempted to say 'so if there's a killer after us, can i run?' but i didn't, because i knew i'd probably make him run with me)
and after that he hugged me very often.
and yeah. that made me very happy :) happy to know that he wants to make me feel secure and safe... even if it is a childish fear.
...but i'll admit that when i got home i was very paranoid... and i couldn't sleep for an extra hour or two >.<
but poi poi the bear helped ^-^ (he's my teddy bear substitute for kelvin when he's not with me LOL. kelvin bought him for me XD)
but yeah... i had lots of fun... :)
Kelvin totally made me the happiest girl in the world LOLL XDD
i feel giddy just remembering it lmao.
IS THIS WHAT LOVE IS?!?!?!
nah, just me being crazy.
XD
but...
it made me feel happy... knowing that he would do that for me.
i didn't think he was the kind of guy to say stuff like 'don't worry, i'll protect you. you'll be safe with me'
like, hearing it come out of his mouth... was shocking.
and did i mention while we were playing that game, me and kelvin talked in canto? XD
we had to make sure the others couldn't understand us while we could communicate effectively, since we all know i don't whisper very quietly.
but in the end, me and kelvin were the farthest from the actual answer LOL
we had the right person... but the weapon and location were totally wrong LMAO.
ahh... i think i should go to bed now, i've been writing this blog for the past.... 45 min?!?! holy shit.
okay. i will go to bed with happy thoughts in my head. hehehe...
sickness is mostly gone. just a bit of a sore throat. but otherwise completely fine! ^-^
Hopefully it'll stay that way for tmrw when i go to band camp... OH SHIT, shevonnn did i tell you it was this week?!?! i forgot... but i'll be back on tuesday. Jess should be there so i don't htink i have to worry too much... oopsies, i'll see if i can slip a note into your locker or something before i go...
anyways...
last night was cute XD
uh oh
hold that thought
i just scratched off some of my skin...
blah, this is why i bite my nails, so that they don't hurt me.
bleah, whatever. i'll just leave it alone. doesn't hurt anyways.
so yesterday i went to logan's house for a halloween party and to be honest, i was actually a bit surprised.
there were only...6 of us to begin with, and then 7 towards the end.
like usually it's a much bigger party that that. usually about 10-15 people. for some odd reason, the lack of people reminded me about how many people have told me that they hated logan.
Like... apparently logan invited chris, but chris didn't show, probably because he lives out of town and it was so late, but...
like even chris hates logan. But he doesn't show it. which i find really weird, because before chris told me, i thought that he was okay with him and stuff... but then again, in jr high when chris first came, logan always treated him like crap and stuff... so i can't blame him.
and like... even zane hates logan to a certain extent. like, he said that the only reason he didn't buy an agenda was because logan's face was on there. but zain was at the party. hell, he's at EVERY one of logan's parties. and he even invites logan out to his cabin with kelvin and the others too. like wtf?
if you're going to hate him, then hate him, don't act friendly at the same time. it confuses me.
so yeah...
there were only 7 of us. Logan, Ashley, Kelvin, Me, Ryan, Zain, and Branwen came towards the end after she finished trick or treating.
i was really happy though
when i changed into my costume, it actually looked decent.
Even though kelvin was a douche for about the first 15 minutes by ignoring me.
but he complimented the kimono after and said that it looked very pretty on me so i guess that redeemed him...a bit.
I was shocked though at how long we just spent talking. Like we completely relived our jr high days (i felt so sorry for Ryan since he didn't go to londonderry, he was so confused) and it was actually really fun. I've never seen kelvin talk so much. Honestly, he was the one who kept up the conversation the entire time. i think... i really liked hearing the sound of kelvin's voice. or maybe it was because when he was talking, he sounded like he was really having fun... and i guess that makes me happy inside just knowing that he's happy too. we spent like... an hour and 45 min just sitting there and talking. we promised to show Mrs. bluette to Ryan someday XD
after that we played board gamess. i forgot what the first game was called, but it was basically like the same game we played last year. only a bit modified.
Cranium. that's it.
but it's like a different branch of Cranium. where instead of just acting it, you roll a dice to see whether you'll be creating a tongue twister, drawing it, acting it, or making sounds etc to get the other players to guess what the card it. there's who, what and where's so it's really hard lol.apparently, ryan fails at drawing. his card was 'fortune cookie' and we spent like 20 minutes trying to guess what the hell he was trying to draw. did i mention that the time limit for the game was 15 min? yeah. we cheated like so many times and just rewound the time LOL
so first, he tried to draw a chocolate chip cookie. cookie, fortune cookie right?
and so...
he drew what was apparently a 'circle' but it looked like a pear to all of us
so we started guessing random fruits (did i mention that when it was kelvin's turn previously, he had the card 'red square' [ from russian history ] and so he kept drawing squares, and none of us could get it [zain got it in the end] and we just kept shouting 'BOX' for like 5 minutes until kelvin got pissed off? XD)
anywayz
so curtis drew a pear like 'circle'
and so while everyone was guessing random fruits constantly (remember we're on a time limit) kelvin just kept repeating 'box' over and over again until i threatened to strangle him. then ryan drew small circles (that actually resembeled circles) inside the bigger circle. apparently that was supposed to be the chocolate chips.
and so then we're like 'CIRCLE WITH HOLES!' 'SWISS CHEESE!' 'GRENADE!' 'BOX!' (you can guess who said that last one)
and then.... the most randomest thing ever.
ryan drew like a small rectangle poking out of two ends of the cookie...
it was supposed to be the 'fortune'
yeah... it just looked like a roast potatoe with holes to me... the ends of the rectangle weren't even lined up! XD
but yeah.. eventually kelvin had to look at the card and helped ryan.
the funny thing was
as soon as kelvin drew half of a fortune cookie we all shouted 'FORTUNE COOKIE' XD
took kelvin 3 seconds and curtis 20 minutes LMAO.
but yeah.. that was so funny.
apparently, i'm very lucky. i guess random things that happen to be the answer.
i randomly guessed barbie on kelvin's turn and i was right LOL XDD
oooh did i mention, that kelvin went first and so his first card was 'speedo'? XDD
haha it was so funny
because he gave us the hint 'it's bigger than a string, but smaller than pants' (that was another category, using metaphors to describe the card) and so ashley guessed underwear and kelvin nodded and so we just kept guessing from there...
it went from underwear to boxers to tightie whities to panties to thongs and then finally ashley said speedo XD
it was so fun... i think the best one was when i had to act out christopher columbus while only able to make noises and act. XD
haha i was so random.
i did like this crazy superhero pose like dominating the land or something (kinda like when you put your foot on a rock and yeah) and then i made a victory noise. from there i did like a 'seeker/binocular' kind thing and then (this part is so embarassing HAHA) i tried to make these crazy indian sounds and then i was about to do like a 'X' sign with my hands and make a buzzer noise and then zain just yells out 'CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS' XD
everyone was laughing so hard and was like 'how the fuck did you get that?!?!?!'
but i think my history was right.
he was an english explorer who set out in search of india
but he came to north america and saw the natives
who he incorrectly deemed the indians
so i think i was right lol. once i explained it then it made more sense to everyone LOL. we laughed for 5 minutes on that...
but once we actually finished the supposedly '15 minute game' it was already 2 hours later LOL.
then we played 'clue' which is like a detective game...
i paired up with kelvin because there could only be 6 players
and it's really hard to explain..
but basically there are different rooms on the board
it's like a house
you have your kitchen and dining room and living room and shit
and so
basically there has been a murder in the house
and you don't know who it is
so you take your character piece
and you roll the die
and move spaces whatever
and so
each tiem you enter a room
you can make a rumor
where you say stuff like 'i think this person did it with this weapon in this area'
but the catch is the area can only be the room you are currently in.
and so
we are all dealt cards
that can be either characters, weapons or rooms
and there is one of each of those cards hidden in an envelope that is put in the 'pool' room. and another 3 random cards put on top of the envelope.
and so
you create a rumor
and then when everyone has heard the rumor
going clockwise, if you have a card that was in the rumor
you show it to the person who made the rumor to begin with.
only one card can be shown. say if the person next to the one who made the rumor had a card, once they showed it, no one else has to show their card if they have one.
therefore, through the process of elimination (we have a tally sheet thingy) we can narrow it down so in the end, you go to the pool room and make an accusation.
(the three extra cards in the pool room are just there so you can go in there and look at them once. but you can only enter the pool twice, once to see the three cards, another to make an accusation)
if you accuse wrongly, you are out of the game.
We didn't play the game properly because we took out the '8 clock' cards.
T___T that was what freaked me out.
I know it was a game..
but like
apparently (because each time you roll a question mark or you land on a question mark square or someone summons you to a room by making a rumor about you, you pick up a information card)
the '8 clock' cards are mixed in with the information cards..
and so
if you pick one up
then you just died.
you were murdered. finished. dead.
and so...
i don't know WHY that scared me so much
but it just did
maybe it was because logan had creepy music in the background and because it was so dark...
but yeah.
it's like one of those horror movies you know?
where their in the house... can't get out and there's something in the house with them killing the people...
but yeah...
it really scared me...
but (here comes the reason i started this whole blog to begin with)
kelvin was really sweet.
i told him i was scared about a quarter way into the game
and he hugged me and told me that he would protect me XD awwe XDD
(i was very tempted to say 'so if there's a killer after us, can i run?' but i didn't, because i knew i'd probably make him run with me)
and after that he hugged me very often.
and yeah. that made me very happy :) happy to know that he wants to make me feel secure and safe... even if it is a childish fear.
...but i'll admit that when i got home i was very paranoid... and i couldn't sleep for an extra hour or two >.<
but poi poi the bear helped ^-^ (he's my teddy bear substitute for kelvin when he's not with me LOL. kelvin bought him for me XD)
but yeah... i had lots of fun... :)
Kelvin totally made me the happiest girl in the world LOLL XDD
i feel giddy just remembering it lmao.
IS THIS WHAT LOVE IS?!?!?!
nah, just me being crazy.
XD
but...
it made me feel happy... knowing that he would do that for me.
i didn't think he was the kind of guy to say stuff like 'don't worry, i'll protect you. you'll be safe with me'
like, hearing it come out of his mouth... was shocking.
and did i mention while we were playing that game, me and kelvin talked in canto? XD
we had to make sure the others couldn't understand us while we could communicate effectively, since we all know i don't whisper very quietly.
but in the end, me and kelvin were the farthest from the actual answer LOL
we had the right person... but the weapon and location were totally wrong LMAO.
ahh... i think i should go to bed now, i've been writing this blog for the past.... 45 min?!?! holy shit.
okay. i will go to bed with happy thoughts in my head. hehehe...
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Just a small excerpt i thought was particularly amusing...
“Don’t worry,” she said. “S’just Moody showing off, more than likely. You say ‘diversion’ he thinks you really mean ‘hey Mad-Eye, start a war’.”
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Emotions.
Lol this blog is not going to make any sense at all.
I don't know what brought this on, probably pms since i just suddenly had a complete 180 mood swing.
it's like...
i don't know if he cares still or not.
LOL okay, maybe that's not true.
it's more like...
i'll say this first: i gotta stop reading those damn romance articles and '15 signs that a breakup is coming your way' kinda shit.
because honestly, it REALLY depresses me because like... the stuff on it isn't compeltely true, yet it's not wrong either.
Not to mention you get those quizzes where it's like 'is he into you?'
and then you go through it thinking 'i'm not gonna take this seriously' but at the end you get the result 'how the hell are you still together?' and yeah. sucks ass.
But...
i won't lie, i've actually had this feeling for a long time now.
Like... i get the feeling that i'm only around for kicks. or 'bonuses' if you get my drift.
Really now, if you don't want to continue on with this relationship, then why the hell do you keep telling me to stay every time i try to break up with you? frick.
You tell me to stay, and i give you another chance and you just go back to doing the same thing. Come on, you're smarter than that. Your grades prove it. but then again, grades are all about textbook stuff... not common sense.
Like half the time, he's always staring off into space when i'm talking to him. If you don't want to listen to me, don't pretend. just say so. not that hard. it's not like i'm going to kick your ass (okay, maybe i will) but really.
Ugh.
you know what?
i'm going back to what i did a year ago.
just completely stop chasing you and see if you bother to come chase after me.
i'm not freaking running after you anymore.
And if you ask me what's wrong.
how about you take a look at our relationship and YOU tell me.
I don't know what brought this on, probably pms since i just suddenly had a complete 180 mood swing.
it's like...
i don't know if he cares still or not.
LOL okay, maybe that's not true.
it's more like...
i'll say this first: i gotta stop reading those damn romance articles and '15 signs that a breakup is coming your way' kinda shit.
because honestly, it REALLY depresses me because like... the stuff on it isn't compeltely true, yet it's not wrong either.
Not to mention you get those quizzes where it's like 'is he into you?'
and then you go through it thinking 'i'm not gonna take this seriously' but at the end you get the result 'how the hell are you still together?' and yeah. sucks ass.
But...
i won't lie, i've actually had this feeling for a long time now.
Like... i get the feeling that i'm only around for kicks. or 'bonuses' if you get my drift.
Really now, if you don't want to continue on with this relationship, then why the hell do you keep telling me to stay every time i try to break up with you? frick.
You tell me to stay, and i give you another chance and you just go back to doing the same thing. Come on, you're smarter than that. Your grades prove it. but then again, grades are all about textbook stuff... not common sense.
Like half the time, he's always staring off into space when i'm talking to him. If you don't want to listen to me, don't pretend. just say so. not that hard. it's not like i'm going to kick your ass (okay, maybe i will) but really.
Ugh.
you know what?
i'm going back to what i did a year ago.
just completely stop chasing you and see if you bother to come chase after me.
i'm not freaking running after you anymore.
And if you ask me what's wrong.
how about you take a look at our relationship and YOU tell me.
Once Upon A Time.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
Friday, October 16, 2009
X____X
you know i'm serious about my math portfolio when i actually start coloring the graph line pixel by pixel XD
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Feel This.
"What if i told you your tears haven't been ignored?"
why does that line remind me so much of you?
ah ah, ah ahh, ah ah ah ah ahh
ah ah ah ah ah ah.
ah ah, ah ahh, ah ah ah ah ahh
ah ah ah ah ah ah.
it's gotta be this one.
you don't have to fake it.
i know i deserve it.
what if i told you your tears haven't been ignored?
and everything that was taken can be restored?
feel this,
can you feel this?
my heart beating out of my chest.
Feel this,
can you feel this?
salvation under my breath.
why does that line remind me so much of you?
ah ah, ah ahh, ah ah ah ah ahh
ah ah ah ah ah ah.
ah ah, ah ahh, ah ah ah ah ahh
ah ah ah ah ah ah.
it's gotta be this one.
you don't have to fake it.
i know i deserve it.
what if i told you your tears haven't been ignored?
and everything that was taken can be restored?
feel this,
can you feel this?
my heart beating out of my chest.
Feel this,
can you feel this?
salvation under my breath.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Emotion.
-sigh-
i think today was the first time in a long time that i've actually been upset at him.
Well, long time being about the entire month up until today.
Like... i told him before. I told him that if he has to ditch me, then fine, at least give me a day's worth notice.
Today, he decided to tell me in the morning: 'oh btw, i can't spend lunch with you'
You can't spend lunch with me 3 days of the week and now you're cutting the time down even more?
Jeez.
And he's ditching me on friday to practice his solo again too.
It's not that i don't understand... like i know kelvin has to work on things to make them perfect, but like... it still irks me.
Actually, i'm kinda relieved that it still makes me upset because if i wasn't upset, that would mean that i stopped caring.
I don't want to stop caring.
But
on the bright side
he actually seemed visibly upset and sorry for not telling me ahead of time.
Usually he's just like 'oh yeah, sorry' and then pretends nothing happened.
I fucking HATE it when he does that.
-sigh-
i dunno. am i expecting too much?
i just want to spend time with him. and it doesn't help that he can't spend any time with me outside of school. Like honestly, what kind of relationship is this?
To be honest, everytime i tell someone that i'm dating, they're always like 'oh! so you guys must go on dates a lot since you're still together!' and each time, i always reply 'no, not really. he hasn't taken me out on one single date'
I'm not surprised at the number of shocked reactions that i get.
Amusingly enough, even though in their head they picture a nice guy, after i tell them that he's never taken me on a date, they all suddenly hate him LOL.
well, not really hate him. iunno, they tell me to leave him. does that count as hate?
But... i guess his 'kind poi poi' phase is still going. He seems to care more i guess...
more than i remember? or maybe it was because over the summer i kinda forgot how things felt like and now it seems like such a big change from nothing.
I'm actually kind of surprised...
he laughs more around me now. And frankly, he's taken a liking to playing pranks on me.
English class is hell. He sits behind me and you know what he does all class? he tries to make me scream by poking me. Brin sits in front of me and she's given me weird looks more often than naught because of him.
humm...
i don't know whether to be upset or apathetic about this.
Like, it's not like he hasn't ditched me before, but at the same time, i'm angry that he doesn't seem to mind that we don't spend as much time together.
Like really. He's freaking in high school, let the kid live his own life man. 99% of the kids i know don't even have to ask their parents if they can go somewhere anymore. they just say 'oh hey mom, i'm going to this place blah blah and i'll be back at blah blah, okay bi!'
that works doesn't it?
jeezus christ.
Even i can do that now, and like considering my parents that's a pretty impressive feat.
i really hate it when i reflect upon my relationship. Because it depresses me.
It's depressing how disfunctional it is.
So here i am, dating a guy for 2 and a half years and yet he's never taken me out on a single date. other people on the other hand, go on lots of dates yet hardly any last more than 1 year.
Messed up no?
It's just...
augh i don't know how to explain it.
Like... i'm so confused.
one minute i'm happy, the next i'm mad. It's driving me insane.
and then, there are those times (omfg this drives me crazy every time) where i WANT to be mad at him, and i can't help but be happy.
Sometimes, i wish he didn't know me so well. Maybe then i could stay mad at him instead of him making me laugh.
-sigh-... why DO i love him anyways?
idunno...
like
two days ago, my teacher said something that actually made me kinda scared.
he told us that love was all in our heads. we THINK we love someone because we are attatched to them. when we are physically attatched to someone, we claim to love them even though we don't really. For example, you could kiss someone and think that you love them, but you don't. You just don't want to be alone. No one wants to be alone. Same thing with best friends. Are they really your best friend? what is a best friend? You only call that person your best friend because you hang out with them a lot and you talk a lot. But fact to the matter is, it's probably only because there's no one else to hang out with.
That seemed to strike a chord in me.
Do i love him? or am i just afraid of being alone?
I know i have a phobia of being alone. I've known this since elementary. (don't ask why i did a psycho analysis of myself in elementary. i was just REALLY REALLY depressed)
Do i love kelvin? or am i clinging to him?
Like... i've said this in my old blogs but... what the hell is love supposed to feel like anyways?
because truthfully... i don't know what it is.
i feel nothing towards my family.
Like... even though if i think of them dying, i will cry but when i cry... i feel nothing. i feel empty.
It's like my brain does what the normal reaction would be yet i don't feel the same way.
But... at the same time, i know that i wouldn't want my family to die.
It's strange... i always feel so empty.
Even when i'm laughing and smiling... i feel... kinda empty.
The only emotion that i think i've ever felt strongly is probably hate and anger.
I don't know...
i'm a different person around ppl than i am when i'm alone.
Around people i put up a facade... maybe that's why i don't feel anything.
Sometimes i'm laughing on the outside and yet inside i feel so alone.
You know that feeling when you're all alone in the dark?
not the pleasant feeling mind you, the bad feeling.
It's kinda like that.
except it feels like i've been swallowed into a void and everything is dead.
i... don't feel anything.
is that an issue?
Like... i guess it's the same thing with kelvin.
Just imagining him die or leave me... i cry just by even thinking about it. Yet... even though tears are falling, i don't feel anything. Sadness maybe, but is that sadness from losing someone i love? or is it sadness for being all alone again?
Human beings are selfish people. In the end, all we care about is ourselves. We are only kind to other people because we need company to survive. We aren't kind to them because we want to be. We are kind to them because we don't want to be alone or because we want to seem kind to others.
I'm different than what i act like. i'm not a kind person at all.
Truth be told, i'm mean. I criticize others because i can't stand someone being better. I like company only because i fear being singled out and picked on. I prefer to sit alone in the dark rather than go outside and live my life.
I like solitude when i'm away from others.
When there's no one around me. i like being alone.
because when i'm alone, i can be me. and no one will hate me for me.
They say our desires reflect the kind of person we are.
What are my desires?
it quite simply really. Simple, yet impossible.
I wish i had wings.
I wish that i could fly away from it all when i want to.
I wish that i could fly and go see the beautiful sceneries of the world.
I desire freedom.
a life with nothing and no one to tie me down.
a life of solitude where there is only me and nature.
Where man has not messed up the balance of the world.
hmmm...
this has nothing to do with the current topic but i feel like writing a bit about it.
Maybe because at this point i don't really care what anyone thinks anymore.
i've told my mom and dad that they are bad parents before.
I was really upset that day and that was the day where we decided that i needed to go see a psychiatrist/counselor whatever you want to call it.
Do you know why i said that to them?
not because i was angry and i said that just to hurt them.
But because up until then, i actually truly did feel that way.
I hated my parents for making my life miserable.
If you look in my diary, you can see that i've actually written multiple entires that go on for a few pages about how much i hate them.
I hateed how they always argued. I hated it even more that they would always argue in front of me. they didn't even bother to hide it. and quite honestly, it felt like they were arguing in front of me purposely just to try to win me over to their side, because each time, my mom would always go on and on about how bad my dad treated her and how hard she has to work for the family and blah blah blah.
Like really?
I couldn't say anything then. But now is different.
Back then, all i could do was cry.
Now i don't cry anymore.
instead, i tell them to shut up.
parents are supposed to raise their children to be good people.
parents are supposed to love their children.
If trying to use your child as a tool is your way of showing love. then i don't fucking want it.
maybe that's why i feel so empty?
Like...
even now
the nicer part of me is saying that even though they did all that stuff, they still love me, they care for me and want the best for me. yet the selfish part of me still hates them for what they did.
You know what?
i actually kind of find this amusing now that i think about it.
When i was little, i knew my parents weren't fighting because of me, yet everytime i would always run up into my room after and then just scream into my pillow. I kept apologizing to God over and over saying that it's all my fault. Now THAT is amusing to me right now.
I guess it's amusing because i prayed to God of all people.
Like really, to me, i don't think there is a god.
if there was a god, then he sure ain't all that merciful.
now that i think about it...
i...actually kind of hate myself.
I hate the kind of person i am.
hm.
interesting.
i guess i should stop this blog here today.
i guess i have a lot to think about tonight.
Did you learn something new about me?
i think today was the first time in a long time that i've actually been upset at him.
Well, long time being about the entire month up until today.
Like... i told him before. I told him that if he has to ditch me, then fine, at least give me a day's worth notice.
Today, he decided to tell me in the morning: 'oh btw, i can't spend lunch with you'
You can't spend lunch with me 3 days of the week and now you're cutting the time down even more?
Jeez.
And he's ditching me on friday to practice his solo again too.
It's not that i don't understand... like i know kelvin has to work on things to make them perfect, but like... it still irks me.
Actually, i'm kinda relieved that it still makes me upset because if i wasn't upset, that would mean that i stopped caring.
I don't want to stop caring.
But
on the bright side
he actually seemed visibly upset and sorry for not telling me ahead of time.
Usually he's just like 'oh yeah, sorry' and then pretends nothing happened.
I fucking HATE it when he does that.
-sigh-
i dunno. am i expecting too much?
i just want to spend time with him. and it doesn't help that he can't spend any time with me outside of school. Like honestly, what kind of relationship is this?
To be honest, everytime i tell someone that i'm dating, they're always like 'oh! so you guys must go on dates a lot since you're still together!' and each time, i always reply 'no, not really. he hasn't taken me out on one single date'
I'm not surprised at the number of shocked reactions that i get.
Amusingly enough, even though in their head they picture a nice guy, after i tell them that he's never taken me on a date, they all suddenly hate him LOL.
well, not really hate him. iunno, they tell me to leave him. does that count as hate?
But... i guess his 'kind poi poi' phase is still going. He seems to care more i guess...
more than i remember? or maybe it was because over the summer i kinda forgot how things felt like and now it seems like such a big change from nothing.
I'm actually kind of surprised...
he laughs more around me now. And frankly, he's taken a liking to playing pranks on me.
English class is hell. He sits behind me and you know what he does all class? he tries to make me scream by poking me. Brin sits in front of me and she's given me weird looks more often than naught because of him.
humm...
i don't know whether to be upset or apathetic about this.
Like, it's not like he hasn't ditched me before, but at the same time, i'm angry that he doesn't seem to mind that we don't spend as much time together.
Like really. He's freaking in high school, let the kid live his own life man. 99% of the kids i know don't even have to ask their parents if they can go somewhere anymore. they just say 'oh hey mom, i'm going to this place blah blah and i'll be back at blah blah, okay bi!'
that works doesn't it?
jeezus christ.
Even i can do that now, and like considering my parents that's a pretty impressive feat.
i really hate it when i reflect upon my relationship. Because it depresses me.
It's depressing how disfunctional it is.
So here i am, dating a guy for 2 and a half years and yet he's never taken me out on a single date. other people on the other hand, go on lots of dates yet hardly any last more than 1 year.
Messed up no?
It's just...
augh i don't know how to explain it.
Like... i'm so confused.
one minute i'm happy, the next i'm mad. It's driving me insane.
and then, there are those times (omfg this drives me crazy every time) where i WANT to be mad at him, and i can't help but be happy.
Sometimes, i wish he didn't know me so well. Maybe then i could stay mad at him instead of him making me laugh.
-sigh-... why DO i love him anyways?
idunno...
like
two days ago, my teacher said something that actually made me kinda scared.
he told us that love was all in our heads. we THINK we love someone because we are attatched to them. when we are physically attatched to someone, we claim to love them even though we don't really. For example, you could kiss someone and think that you love them, but you don't. You just don't want to be alone. No one wants to be alone. Same thing with best friends. Are they really your best friend? what is a best friend? You only call that person your best friend because you hang out with them a lot and you talk a lot. But fact to the matter is, it's probably only because there's no one else to hang out with.
That seemed to strike a chord in me.
Do i love him? or am i just afraid of being alone?
I know i have a phobia of being alone. I've known this since elementary. (don't ask why i did a psycho analysis of myself in elementary. i was just REALLY REALLY depressed)
Do i love kelvin? or am i clinging to him?
Like... i've said this in my old blogs but... what the hell is love supposed to feel like anyways?
because truthfully... i don't know what it is.
i feel nothing towards my family.
Like... even though if i think of them dying, i will cry but when i cry... i feel nothing. i feel empty.
It's like my brain does what the normal reaction would be yet i don't feel the same way.
But... at the same time, i know that i wouldn't want my family to die.
It's strange... i always feel so empty.
Even when i'm laughing and smiling... i feel... kinda empty.
The only emotion that i think i've ever felt strongly is probably hate and anger.
I don't know...
i'm a different person around ppl than i am when i'm alone.
Around people i put up a facade... maybe that's why i don't feel anything.
Sometimes i'm laughing on the outside and yet inside i feel so alone.
You know that feeling when you're all alone in the dark?
not the pleasant feeling mind you, the bad feeling.
It's kinda like that.
except it feels like i've been swallowed into a void and everything is dead.
i... don't feel anything.
is that an issue?
Like... i guess it's the same thing with kelvin.
Just imagining him die or leave me... i cry just by even thinking about it. Yet... even though tears are falling, i don't feel anything. Sadness maybe, but is that sadness from losing someone i love? or is it sadness for being all alone again?
Human beings are selfish people. In the end, all we care about is ourselves. We are only kind to other people because we need company to survive. We aren't kind to them because we want to be. We are kind to them because we don't want to be alone or because we want to seem kind to others.
I'm different than what i act like. i'm not a kind person at all.
Truth be told, i'm mean. I criticize others because i can't stand someone being better. I like company only because i fear being singled out and picked on. I prefer to sit alone in the dark rather than go outside and live my life.
I like solitude when i'm away from others.
When there's no one around me. i like being alone.
because when i'm alone, i can be me. and no one will hate me for me.
They say our desires reflect the kind of person we are.
What are my desires?
it quite simply really. Simple, yet impossible.
I wish i had wings.
I wish that i could fly away from it all when i want to.
I wish that i could fly and go see the beautiful sceneries of the world.
I desire freedom.
a life with nothing and no one to tie me down.
a life of solitude where there is only me and nature.
Where man has not messed up the balance of the world.
hmmm...
this has nothing to do with the current topic but i feel like writing a bit about it.
Maybe because at this point i don't really care what anyone thinks anymore.
i've told my mom and dad that they are bad parents before.
I was really upset that day and that was the day where we decided that i needed to go see a psychiatrist/counselor whatever you want to call it.
Do you know why i said that to them?
not because i was angry and i said that just to hurt them.
But because up until then, i actually truly did feel that way.
I hated my parents for making my life miserable.
If you look in my diary, you can see that i've actually written multiple entires that go on for a few pages about how much i hate them.
I hateed how they always argued. I hated it even more that they would always argue in front of me. they didn't even bother to hide it. and quite honestly, it felt like they were arguing in front of me purposely just to try to win me over to their side, because each time, my mom would always go on and on about how bad my dad treated her and how hard she has to work for the family and blah blah blah.
Like really?
I couldn't say anything then. But now is different.
Back then, all i could do was cry.
Now i don't cry anymore.
instead, i tell them to shut up.
parents are supposed to raise their children to be good people.
parents are supposed to love their children.
If trying to use your child as a tool is your way of showing love. then i don't fucking want it.
maybe that's why i feel so empty?
Like...
even now
the nicer part of me is saying that even though they did all that stuff, they still love me, they care for me and want the best for me. yet the selfish part of me still hates them for what they did.
You know what?
i actually kind of find this amusing now that i think about it.
When i was little, i knew my parents weren't fighting because of me, yet everytime i would always run up into my room after and then just scream into my pillow. I kept apologizing to God over and over saying that it's all my fault. Now THAT is amusing to me right now.
I guess it's amusing because i prayed to God of all people.
Like really, to me, i don't think there is a god.
if there was a god, then he sure ain't all that merciful.
now that i think about it...
i...actually kind of hate myself.
I hate the kind of person i am.
hm.
interesting.
i guess i should stop this blog here today.
i guess i have a lot to think about tonight.
Did you learn something new about me?
Monday, September 14, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Differences of Forever.
So...
yesterday i went with some university friends to watch '9'
It was a crap movie. Well, not really crap. But like, it was mainly explosions and crap.
the plot sucked ass and honestly, the movie reminded me of a rip off of 'Matrix' and 'Digimon The Movie'
Because a) in digimon the movie, Cocomon can only say 'Go back to the beginning'
and in '9' number '6' only says 'Find the source'
b) 'the source' reminds me of the Matrix with the old dude and everything and the source of the matrix.
NUMBER 7 IS COOLL :D
7 IS KICKASS. the only good fighter there is. AND 7 IS A GIRL. :)
Yeah... usually i would enjoy a movie like this because there was basically explosions every 5 min but like... my L.A teacher ruined it.
In class he's always talking about how movies are only good if they got a good plot and like all those stupid literary devices and shit.... and so i unconsciously started thinking about that stuff while watching the movie...
OH. the movie (in my opinion) should not be suitable for children. Honestly, i was a bit freaked because like 5 of those mini people die.
and their deaths aren't very... nice to watch. Getting your soul sucked out by a giant machine isn't very...nice.
-sigh-
anywayz.
onto the topic that i started this blog for.
So.
i went with my uni friends.
Like,
Amelia, VJ, Damian and EJ
and like
Damian and EJ are supposedly dating? I DON'T KNOW. they dated, then i heard they broke up, but they still act couple-ish!
and like...
to be frank... i admire them HAHA
because...
like, when we're all hanging out and stuff, they're like normal friends and stuff (CONVERSATION WISE)
but like...
you can just tell.
you can tell he loves her so much.
Like...
when EJ's standing there with her sister (VJ if you haven't figured it out yet)
Damian automatically moves to stand beside her and stuff
and you can tell that he wants to be close to her... and like protect her.
But... it's very subtle.
They're not crazy close, yet they're closer than anyone i know.
and honestly, i admire them and yet i'm *very slightly* jealous at the same time.
Like...
i'm not going to lie
i think EJ is probably one of the prettiest girls i've ever seen.
and like considering i don't say stuff like that often, it says a lot.
Like... even though she's tomboyish (with the short hair and everything)
she... has her own beauty.
and i think damian knows that.
Because we were standing outside the theatre after the movie
and like they were waiting with me for my ride since they all went home together.
and like, i'm talking to them.
and it's just me, VJ and Ameel talking and i'm wondering 'why are VJ and Damian so quiet?'
i look over
and i had a total 'awe' yet '-sigh-' moment.
because i saw damian nuzzling Ej's hair/ear.
well, either that or he was whispering something to her.
But...
you could tell.
just in that moment
that ONE moment that lasted for like a second.
you could tell that if he could make it possible, he would love her forever and more.
and...like you get how it's 'awe'
but it... made me a bit sad
because
they have the potential of forever
but i don't.
it reminded me of my situation.
And even to begin with, if you were to compare my relationship with kelvin to their relationship, i think their bond is stronger.
Ours doesn't even compare.
It gave me a really... depressed feeling. But... at the same time i was happy for them.
Because... i know Damian isn't an ass so he's okay for EJ XD
I wish... that we could have a love that strong.
Strong like theirs, where we can be standing on opposite sides of the room yet feel so close. Where we can simply just stand beside each other and be content. Where just by being together, others can FEEL the love.
Heh... but i guess that's impossible for me.
Are you able to love me like he loves her?
yesterday i went with some university friends to watch '9'
It was a crap movie. Well, not really crap. But like, it was mainly explosions and crap.
the plot sucked ass and honestly, the movie reminded me of a rip off of 'Matrix' and 'Digimon The Movie'
Because a) in digimon the movie, Cocomon can only say 'Go back to the beginning'
and in '9' number '6' only says 'Find the source'
b) 'the source' reminds me of the Matrix with the old dude and everything and the source of the matrix.
NUMBER 7 IS COOLL :D
7 IS KICKASS. the only good fighter there is. AND 7 IS A GIRL. :)
Yeah... usually i would enjoy a movie like this because there was basically explosions every 5 min but like... my L.A teacher ruined it.
In class he's always talking about how movies are only good if they got a good plot and like all those stupid literary devices and shit.... and so i unconsciously started thinking about that stuff while watching the movie...
OH. the movie (in my opinion) should not be suitable for children. Honestly, i was a bit freaked because like 5 of those mini people die.
and their deaths aren't very... nice to watch. Getting your soul sucked out by a giant machine isn't very...nice.
-sigh-
anywayz.
onto the topic that i started this blog for.
So.
i went with my uni friends.
Like,
Amelia, VJ, Damian and EJ
and like
Damian and EJ are supposedly dating? I DON'T KNOW. they dated, then i heard they broke up, but they still act couple-ish!
and like...
to be frank... i admire them HAHA
because...
like, when we're all hanging out and stuff, they're like normal friends and stuff (CONVERSATION WISE)
but like...
you can just tell.
you can tell he loves her so much.
Like...
when EJ's standing there with her sister (VJ if you haven't figured it out yet)
Damian automatically moves to stand beside her and stuff
and you can tell that he wants to be close to her... and like protect her.
But... it's very subtle.
They're not crazy close, yet they're closer than anyone i know.
and honestly, i admire them and yet i'm *very slightly* jealous at the same time.
Like...
i'm not going to lie
i think EJ is probably one of the prettiest girls i've ever seen.
and like considering i don't say stuff like that often, it says a lot.
Like... even though she's tomboyish (with the short hair and everything)
she... has her own beauty.
and i think damian knows that.
Because we were standing outside the theatre after the movie
and like they were waiting with me for my ride since they all went home together.
and like, i'm talking to them.
and it's just me, VJ and Ameel talking and i'm wondering 'why are VJ and Damian so quiet?'
i look over
and i had a total 'awe' yet '-sigh-' moment.
because i saw damian nuzzling Ej's hair/ear.
well, either that or he was whispering something to her.
But...
you could tell.
just in that moment
that ONE moment that lasted for like a second.
you could tell that if he could make it possible, he would love her forever and more.
and...like you get how it's 'awe'
but it... made me a bit sad
because
they have the potential of forever
but i don't.
it reminded me of my situation.
And even to begin with, if you were to compare my relationship with kelvin to their relationship, i think their bond is stronger.
Ours doesn't even compare.
It gave me a really... depressed feeling. But... at the same time i was happy for them.
Because... i know Damian isn't an ass so he's okay for EJ XD
I wish... that we could have a love that strong.
Strong like theirs, where we can be standing on opposite sides of the room yet feel so close. Where we can simply just stand beside each other and be content. Where just by being together, others can FEEL the love.
Heh... but i guess that's impossible for me.
Are you able to love me like he loves her?
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
You Belong With Me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HryFrdGkqHU&feature=channel
he is a beautiful pianist. He is one of the few people in the world who plays music instead of notes.
he is a beautiful pianist. He is one of the few people in the world who plays music instead of notes.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Wow, i'm stealing so many things from you shevon.
1. Have you ever had lunch together with Shevon Lam?
of course!
2. What song could be Kelvin Tran's theme song?
uhh... idk, some song about not being tied down?
3. What was your first impression of Logan Smith?
Nerd... XD
4. Who's Mike Tymms dating?
no one atm.
5. Linda Ng just got vaporized in a freak accident. Now what?
i make you make her come back or else the world will pay =_=
6. What would Chris Robinson not be caught dead in?
idunno... a tutu?
7. What is Ashley Schneider's favorite TV show or movie?
LOL TWILIGHT.
8. If Sandra On played in a movie, what kind of character would they play?
the girl who is intelligent but at the same time a ditz. also the person out for world domination.
9. Have you ever been in Pamela Martinez's house?
she refused to let me in because she thought i would blow something up :(
10. How would Christina Ho insult Shevon Lam?
calling her a shorty? then again that's how everyone insults her...
of course!
2. What song could be Kelvin Tran's theme song?
uhh... idk, some song about not being tied down?
3. What was your first impression of Logan Smith?
Nerd... XD
4. Who's Mike Tymms dating?
no one atm.
5. Linda Ng just got vaporized in a freak accident. Now what?
i make you make her come back or else the world will pay =_=
6. What would Chris Robinson not be caught dead in?
idunno... a tutu?
7. What is Ashley Schneider's favorite TV show or movie?
LOL TWILIGHT.
8. If Sandra On played in a movie, what kind of character would they play?
the girl who is intelligent but at the same time a ditz. also the person out for world domination.
9. Have you ever been in Pamela Martinez's house?
she refused to let me in because she thought i would blow something up :(
10. How would Christina Ho insult Shevon Lam?
calling her a shorty? then again that's how everyone insults her...
Shevon :) i stole this from you
5 guys quiz.
1. Kelvin
2. Chris
3. Patrick
4. Daniel B.
5. Logan
DON'T LOOK AHEAD UNLESS YOU FILLED UP THE TOP!
1. How did you meet # 3?
LOLOL HE'S MY BROTHER? XD
2. What would you do if 2 and 5 were going out?
omg... poor ashley... o.o
3. How long did you know #2?
ummm... since grade 8
4. How do you know 5?
Band :)
5. What would you do if 4 told you they loved you?
awwee, i love him too :)
6. A fact about number 1:
I LOVE HIM <3
7. Who is 2 going out with?
no one atm
8. What does 5 do for a living?
erm, he's still in school.
9. Would you live with 3?
i DO live with him, sadly enough.
10. What's your relationship status with 5?
close friends =]
11. What do you like about number 1?
he can make me feel like everything is okay just by smiling
12. What would you do if number 2 died?
cry like no tmrw, take my trusty knife and chop off the limbs of the person who killed him and then behead the murderer. Point is: kill chris and die.
13. Do you miss number 1?
:( yes
14. How do you feel about number 3 ?
he's my brother... >.> person who plays with me?
15. Would you ever go out with number 5?
...i don't think ashley would take that very well.
16. Where can you always find number 5?
out with ashley >.>
17. Ever get really pissed off at number 4?
i could never get mad at Dan, he's too sweet.
18. Have you ever slept over at 1's house?
LOLOLOLOL sorry, i don't want to die yet.
20. What do you like about number 5 ?
he's a sensitive guy XD you know how hard it is to find a sensitive guy now a days?!
22. Have you ever seen number 2 naked?
i've seen him in only swim trunks. i kinda don't want to see him naked... >.> i don't really want to see ANY guy naked...
23. What's number 3s favorite drink?
Strawberry juice slush with sago and lychee (LOL i had to ask him just now...)
24. Have you ever danced with number 1?
yeah XD
25. Where did you meet number 4?
Language Arts 10-IB Mr. Sisk's class.
26. Have you ever gotten drunk with number 4?
not yet XD
28. Have you ever seen 5 in a swimsuit?
yes
29. Do you like number 1?
i love him <3
30. Have you ever met 4's Family?
nope
32. Have you ever eaten anything in front of 3?
psh, i eat in front of him everyday.
33. Do you trust number 2?
well he's number 2 for a reason you know.
34. Have you ever fought with number 1?
almost every few months
35. When’s the last time you talked to 3 in person?
about a minute ago
36. Are any of your 5 family?
#3
38. Have you ever slept in the same bed with any of the 5 ?
hmm... i think i remember once when i was 3, i had a nightmare and my brother was the only one who let me sleep with him
39. Do you think 1 and 4 would make a good couple?
NO, HE'S MINE >=[
40. Would 3 do anything for you?
if i pull the right strings LMAO
41. Has 2 ever helped you out?
he's always there when i need help :)
42. Have you ever slept in number 4's bed?
no.
43. Which have you known the longest?
my brother LMAO
44. Who have you known the shortest?
Daniel
46. Have you ever done anything illegal with number 4?
LOLOLOL NOT YET jk
47. Will 1 - 5 repost this?
nope, none of them will even read this.
1. Kelvin
2. Chris
3. Patrick
4. Daniel B.
5. Logan
DON'T LOOK AHEAD UNLESS YOU FILLED UP THE TOP!
1. How did you meet # 3?
LOLOL HE'S MY BROTHER? XD
2. What would you do if 2 and 5 were going out?
omg... poor ashley... o.o
3. How long did you know #2?
ummm... since grade 8
4. How do you know 5?
Band :)
5. What would you do if 4 told you they loved you?
awwee, i love him too :)
6. A fact about number 1:
I LOVE HIM <3
7. Who is 2 going out with?
no one atm
8. What does 5 do for a living?
erm, he's still in school.
9. Would you live with 3?
i DO live with him, sadly enough.
10. What's your relationship status with 5?
close friends =]
11. What do you like about number 1?
he can make me feel like everything is okay just by smiling
12. What would you do if number 2 died?
cry like no tmrw, take my trusty knife and chop off the limbs of the person who killed him and then behead the murderer. Point is: kill chris and die.
13. Do you miss number 1?
:( yes
14. How do you feel about number 3 ?
he's my brother... >.> person who plays with me?
15. Would you ever go out with number 5?
...i don't think ashley would take that very well.
16. Where can you always find number 5?
out with ashley >.>
17. Ever get really pissed off at number 4?
i could never get mad at Dan, he's too sweet.
18. Have you ever slept over at 1's house?
LOLOLOLOL sorry, i don't want to die yet.
20. What do you like about number 5 ?
he's a sensitive guy XD you know how hard it is to find a sensitive guy now a days?!
22. Have you ever seen number 2 naked?
i've seen him in only swim trunks. i kinda don't want to see him naked... >.> i don't really want to see ANY guy naked...
23. What's number 3s favorite drink?
Strawberry juice slush with sago and lychee (LOL i had to ask him just now...)
24. Have you ever danced with number 1?
yeah XD
25. Where did you meet number 4?
Language Arts 10-IB Mr. Sisk's class.
26. Have you ever gotten drunk with number 4?
not yet XD
28. Have you ever seen 5 in a swimsuit?
yes
29. Do you like number 1?
i love him <3
30. Have you ever met 4's Family?
nope
32. Have you ever eaten anything in front of 3?
psh, i eat in front of him everyday.
33. Do you trust number 2?
well he's number 2 for a reason you know.
34. Have you ever fought with number 1?
almost every few months
35. When’s the last time you talked to 3 in person?
about a minute ago
36. Are any of your 5 family?
#3
38. Have you ever slept in the same bed with any of the 5 ?
hmm... i think i remember once when i was 3, i had a nightmare and my brother was the only one who let me sleep with him
39. Do you think 1 and 4 would make a good couple?
NO, HE'S MINE >=[
40. Would 3 do anything for you?
if i pull the right strings LMAO
41. Has 2 ever helped you out?
he's always there when i need help :)
42. Have you ever slept in number 4's bed?
no.
43. Which have you known the longest?
my brother LMAO
44. Who have you known the shortest?
Daniel
46. Have you ever done anything illegal with number 4?
LOLOLOL NOT YET jk
47. Will 1 - 5 repost this?
nope, none of them will even read this.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Romio&Juliet<3
Today... was another good day i suppose :)
He was 'gentle kelvin' today again. i wonder how long this will last?
not to be pessimistic or anything.
I...feel really weird.
Like, i'm so close to him, yet at the same time he's keeping me at arm's length.
It's like, i don't know much about him, and he's not willing to tell me. Yet i know so much more about him than anyone else, it's like i know his soul rather than his mind.
I can judge what he likes and dislikes, but i don't know specifics. I can judge what would make him happy and sad, but i don't know exactly what. Like... i don't know his material likes and dislikes, but i know his personality likes and dislikes.
It's so weird.
I know him, yet i don't.
He's the complete opposite LOL.
he knows everything i hate and love material wise. He knows all the facts about me inside and out. He knows my personality...a bit i guess.
Like, he knows how i react and stuff and like my moods but he can never tell what i would enjoy or what i would dislike (as in activities and non-material things).
But... i guess that's all the more reason to stay together.
Because we are still strangers to each other.
I want to know about him. Because that way i can make him happy.
To me, seeing him happy means everything :)
LOL
'you know you're in love when...' XD
man.
i REALLY do love him don't i?
Like... to the point where i'm starting to think i'm in the 'blinded' stage.
Maybe it's a phase?
i don't care.
i love him :) that's all i know <3
But... today he was very nice again.
I know he doesn't like to hold my hand because it makes his cramp up (SORRY MY HANDS ARE SO FREAKING SMALL >=[) but now, he actually makes the effort to at least hold my hand firmly when i slip my hand in his.
Usually he doesn't move, like i'm the only one holding his hand. and like, quite frankly i'm used to it.
But he actually HOLDS my hand now... i feel kinda bad because i usually hold his right hand and i don't want to cramp his writing hand up...
LOLOLOL i have to say something...
and what i am about to say
will not be repeated to ANYONE.
...
...
he gained weight XD
or at least i THINK he did LMAO.
because
His body is tone.
Like, i know because i can feel it when he hugs me. there's not a inch of fat ANYWHERE (cept for his tummy, but that's understandable)
and
when he was sitting down in band class (yesterday), i hit his thigh because he was teasing me and then it felt softer than usual LOL.
like, you know how when you hit your thigh and like it jiggles a little? like jiggles once? (NOT LIKE THOSE FAT PPL WHO NEVER STOP JIGGLING)
it was very brief, but i saw it jiggle XD
I'm actually kinda happy he gained weight. He's too skinny. he never eats enough.
I think, before, he was UNDERWEIGHT. Maybe now he's the ideal weight...
OMG
DID I TELL YOU
I LOST WEIGHT AGAIN :) HAHAHA
causee
usually when i check in afternoon, my weight is between 149-152
but, today i checked, and i was 148 :)
I USUALLY ONLY WEIGHT 148 WHEN I WAKE UP. AND THAT'S WHEN MY TUMMY IS EMPTY. :)
but... i ate a bit more than usual today... because i had LD practice and i was hungry after i got home even though i ate supper already...
BUT
MY GOAL
IS TO GO DOWN TO AT LEAST 145 BY THE END OF THIS YEAR :D
and then, by the time we finish grade 11, i want to be 140.
i think, the reason i gained so much weight last year was because i went to the mall at lunch to get second cup, then right after i would have foods and like we would bake so much stuff. So like tons of cals right there and in class we sit for so long.
This year, i want to lose weight.
I'M SO FUCKING JEALOUS >=[
Kelvin can look like a freaking denim model when he's shirtless.
GRRR.
Not fair >.< in this relationship, the guy looks hotter than the girl. WAAHHH~ T__T
Then again, maybe that's just my opinion? i think he's cute because i love him XD
okay. i'll admit. i like a shirtless kelvin LMAO
pft. i have proof that he likes it when i wear my swimsuit. (shevon, can you guess or are you too innocent? XD)
hahaha.
You know, i find it so amazing. Sometimes i think to myself:
why does he even like me? i'm not that like-able. I'm selfish, egotistic, arrogant and bitchy. He must be crazy to love me.
I know kelvin used to think something like that. He told me that when we first started dating, he couldn't believe that i chose him out of everyone else since he was the 'nerd/nobody' and didn't have any outstanding characteristics at all.
Actually... i don't know why i love him.
I guess... i just do. Like, i've said this before and i'll say it again.
When he smiles at me, i know that i love him, and he loves me.
I think...
when you love someone, you don't need a reason.
Sure, you love lots of things about that person, but they aren't the reason you love them.
Like... you love a person for who they are.
I love kelvin because he is kelvin.
I think... that if kelvin wasn't kelvin, i wouldn't love him.
Almost like... i'll still love him if he changes, because i'll be there for the change and i can adapt. But if kelvin had a double who was completely different, i wouldn't love him.
Because he's not Kelvin.
You can't choose who to love.
Love chooses whom it wants.
It is irrational with no logical reasoning at all.
But i guess that's what makes love so exciting :)
You know i want to do before i graduate from high school?
i want to be able to fall asleep in his arms :) IN AN ACTUAL BED, NOT ON THE STUPID BUS.
Like, no perverted things, but just... fall asleep.
I think... i would feel very safe...and warm XD
HAHA OMG
TODAY
IN WORLD LIT CLASS
we were talking about romio and juliet
and like the teach was going on and on and on
and he was like
'well back then they married at like 13 you know! and like juliet's parents didn't want her to marry romio because they thought he'd treat her like shit. i mean, imagine if you married the person you liked when you were 13'
and i was like
'UHH, HE'S SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME LMAO. WE HAPPEN TO BE DATING HAHAHA'
and i'll be honest.
for a second there
i actually wondered what it'd be like to be married to kelvin.
o.O
you know what?
i can't see kelvin getting married.
HAHA
well, i can see him getting married, but like, can't see him as a dad.
But... I WANT TO BE A MOMMY :D
haha.
i actually have a motherly instinct.
i worry about ppl too much and i always nag them like 'DID YOU PACK A LUNCH?' or 'DID YOU BRING YOUR JACKET?' and blah blah blah.
i like being a mother hen XD i like taking care of people even though they find it annoying.
Blah...
i better go to bed.
Getting late and i'm going downtown library tmrw to do hmwk then shop for daddy's gift.
Nighty Night :)
He was 'gentle kelvin' today again. i wonder how long this will last?
not to be pessimistic or anything.
I...feel really weird.
Like, i'm so close to him, yet at the same time he's keeping me at arm's length.
It's like, i don't know much about him, and he's not willing to tell me. Yet i know so much more about him than anyone else, it's like i know his soul rather than his mind.
I can judge what he likes and dislikes, but i don't know specifics. I can judge what would make him happy and sad, but i don't know exactly what. Like... i don't know his material likes and dislikes, but i know his personality likes and dislikes.
It's so weird.
I know him, yet i don't.
He's the complete opposite LOL.
he knows everything i hate and love material wise. He knows all the facts about me inside and out. He knows my personality...a bit i guess.
Like, he knows how i react and stuff and like my moods but he can never tell what i would enjoy or what i would dislike (as in activities and non-material things).
But... i guess that's all the more reason to stay together.
Because we are still strangers to each other.
I want to know about him. Because that way i can make him happy.
To me, seeing him happy means everything :)
LOL
'you know you're in love when...' XD
man.
i REALLY do love him don't i?
Like... to the point where i'm starting to think i'm in the 'blinded' stage.
Maybe it's a phase?
i don't care.
i love him :) that's all i know <3
But... today he was very nice again.
I know he doesn't like to hold my hand because it makes his cramp up (SORRY MY HANDS ARE SO FREAKING SMALL >=[) but now, he actually makes the effort to at least hold my hand firmly when i slip my hand in his.
Usually he doesn't move, like i'm the only one holding his hand. and like, quite frankly i'm used to it.
But he actually HOLDS my hand now... i feel kinda bad because i usually hold his right hand and i don't want to cramp his writing hand up...
LOLOLOL i have to say something...
and what i am about to say
will not be repeated to ANYONE.
...
...
he gained weight XD
or at least i THINK he did LMAO.
because
His body is tone.
Like, i know because i can feel it when he hugs me. there's not a inch of fat ANYWHERE (cept for his tummy, but that's understandable)
and
when he was sitting down in band class (yesterday), i hit his thigh because he was teasing me and then it felt softer than usual LOL.
like, you know how when you hit your thigh and like it jiggles a little? like jiggles once? (NOT LIKE THOSE FAT PPL WHO NEVER STOP JIGGLING)
it was very brief, but i saw it jiggle XD
I'm actually kinda happy he gained weight. He's too skinny. he never eats enough.
I think, before, he was UNDERWEIGHT. Maybe now he's the ideal weight...
OMG
DID I TELL YOU
I LOST WEIGHT AGAIN :) HAHAHA
causee
usually when i check in afternoon, my weight is between 149-152
but, today i checked, and i was 148 :)
I USUALLY ONLY WEIGHT 148 WHEN I WAKE UP. AND THAT'S WHEN MY TUMMY IS EMPTY. :)
but... i ate a bit more than usual today... because i had LD practice and i was hungry after i got home even though i ate supper already...
BUT
MY GOAL
IS TO GO DOWN TO AT LEAST 145 BY THE END OF THIS YEAR :D
and then, by the time we finish grade 11, i want to be 140.
i think, the reason i gained so much weight last year was because i went to the mall at lunch to get second cup, then right after i would have foods and like we would bake so much stuff. So like tons of cals right there and in class we sit for so long.
This year, i want to lose weight.
I'M SO FUCKING JEALOUS >=[
Kelvin can look like a freaking denim model when he's shirtless.
GRRR.
Not fair >.< in this relationship, the guy looks hotter than the girl. WAAHHH~ T__T
Then again, maybe that's just my opinion? i think he's cute because i love him XD
okay. i'll admit. i like a shirtless kelvin LMAO
pft. i have proof that he likes it when i wear my swimsuit. (shevon, can you guess or are you too innocent? XD)
hahaha.
You know, i find it so amazing. Sometimes i think to myself:
why does he even like me? i'm not that like-able. I'm selfish, egotistic, arrogant and bitchy. He must be crazy to love me.
I know kelvin used to think something like that. He told me that when we first started dating, he couldn't believe that i chose him out of everyone else since he was the 'nerd/nobody' and didn't have any outstanding characteristics at all.
Actually... i don't know why i love him.
I guess... i just do. Like, i've said this before and i'll say it again.
When he smiles at me, i know that i love him, and he loves me.
I think...
when you love someone, you don't need a reason.
Sure, you love lots of things about that person, but they aren't the reason you love them.
Like... you love a person for who they are.
I love kelvin because he is kelvin.
I think... that if kelvin wasn't kelvin, i wouldn't love him.
Almost like... i'll still love him if he changes, because i'll be there for the change and i can adapt. But if kelvin had a double who was completely different, i wouldn't love him.
Because he's not Kelvin.
You can't choose who to love.
Love chooses whom it wants.
It is irrational with no logical reasoning at all.
But i guess that's what makes love so exciting :)
You know i want to do before i graduate from high school?
i want to be able to fall asleep in his arms :) IN AN ACTUAL BED, NOT ON THE STUPID BUS.
Like, no perverted things, but just... fall asleep.
I think... i would feel very safe...and warm XD
HAHA OMG
TODAY
IN WORLD LIT CLASS
we were talking about romio and juliet
and like the teach was going on and on and on
and he was like
'well back then they married at like 13 you know! and like juliet's parents didn't want her to marry romio because they thought he'd treat her like shit. i mean, imagine if you married the person you liked when you were 13'
and i was like
'UHH, HE'S SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME LMAO. WE HAPPEN TO BE DATING HAHAHA'
and i'll be honest.
for a second there
i actually wondered what it'd be like to be married to kelvin.
o.O
you know what?
i can't see kelvin getting married.
HAHA
well, i can see him getting married, but like, can't see him as a dad.
But... I WANT TO BE A MOMMY :D
haha.
i actually have a motherly instinct.
i worry about ppl too much and i always nag them like 'DID YOU PACK A LUNCH?' or 'DID YOU BRING YOUR JACKET?' and blah blah blah.
i like being a mother hen XD i like taking care of people even though they find it annoying.
Blah...
i better go to bed.
Getting late and i'm going downtown library tmrw to do hmwk then shop for daddy's gift.
Nighty Night :)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)