What Would You Do.

-sigh-
so i guess
i might have overreacted on yesterday's note.
because today changed my mind.
i started crying at lunch and i think i kinda made kelvin feel awkward, since he honestly didn't know how to get me to stop crying.
it's just... i dunno, something in me snapped.
i think maybe what happened yesterday was the catalyst and everything just overflowed.
I feel kinda bad...
because after school today, when me and kelvin were walking to the front doors, he said "tell me honestly what's wrong"
and that made me realize that he knew that there was something honestly wrong with me (and the fact that he didn't believe what i told him)
i told him most of the stuff that i was upset about. actually, scratch that, i told him everything.
but like... i agree with kelvin. there's still something that's bothering me and it's eating away at me.
Today, i asked kelvin if he honestly loved me and i think it may have been his reply that has been bothering me.
The first time i asked him if he loved me, he said yes. then made a 'idunno' sound.
The second time i asked him if he HONESTLY loved me. and he didn't reply, and instead, he said he would talk to me later about it. (which he didn't)
and i guess that kinda struck fear into me. because i'm already at the point where i love him too much to let go.
...
i'm so screwed
...
but...
i dunno...
when we were standing outside waiting for our rides, and right before he left, he said "You know you can trust me right?"
does that mean he thinks i don't trust him?
i trust him more than i trust myself goddammit.
i trust him so much that it's scary.
i trust him so much that it DOES scare me.
i know he hates it when i cry, and i know that when i even look like i'm about to cry, it gives him a heart attack. but like... i want to tell him whats wrong, but i keep thinking that he'll just think i'm complaining again. not to mention this time of year brings back bad memories about last year.
-sigh-





What would you do if you thought the person you loved most in this world didn't love you back?