Dead.

i don't know what to say honestly.
the past week has been... a mess really
i'm constantly switching between bursting in tears and being really pissed and feeling nothing.
and like...
i'm so tired of everything..
i really really am.
i wish it would all end.
*sigh*
thats really all it is...
i just want everything to end...
for everything to go away.
i feel so empty inside it's like i'm dead almost.
i don't want to put effort into this anymore. i'm not getting any effort back so i've completely given up.
if i mean nothing to you, then fine. i give up. i'll just leave.
Honestly, it feels very... tense.
like there's something waiting to explode.
i hate this feeling.
i hate everyone acting awkward as soon as i enter the room.
i hate it so much. i hate it so much that i want to just scream.
why can't anyone understand?
i'm trying so hard... so very very hard and nothing good is coming of it.
I feel like i'm hated.
In band, i really feel like i'm hated.
i won't say it hurts... because i feel nothing. it makes me feel uncomfortable...
it makes me feel lonely.
How did things get this way?
and why am i the only one trying to fix it?











if this is how things are going to be from now on...
then i don't want to stay.
if i forever feel this way...
then i want to die.
if no one is coming to save me...
then i am already dead.