Day 03 - your parents

Day 03 - your parents


Dear Mom and Dad,

I'm sorry i'm such a terrible daughter. I'm sorry that i always talk back at you and never listen to you, but i need you to understand that i'm not as stupid as you think i am. I am capable of making my own choices as well as understanding the consequences that come with those choices. I want you to stop dictating my life. I know that compared to your childhood, i'm pretty much living in heaven, but different situations call for different actions. Because you grew up during the war and had to escape from the country, you had to work harder than many people in their entire lifetimes, but just because you've done that, doesn't mean that i'm completely incapable of taking care of myself because i didn't do the same stuff as you during your childhood. I know that you're only trying to do what's best for me and that's why i shut my mouth 75% of the time (i know it doesn't seem like it, but i actually do shut up and put up).

I wish you guys would stop arguing. Do you know what it does to a child when they have to listen to their parents screaming and shouting at each other? When i was little i had no idea what was going on and i always blamed myself. Maybe if i wasn't born, then everyone would be happier. That's what i always told myself as a child because even the tiniest thing involving me would spark a giant shouting contest. Did you know, during the first 13 years of my life before mom got cancer and had her surgery, i hated going home? because you two never talked. For the first fucking 13 years of my life, my parents never spoke to one another except to yell and scream and threaten each other. I used up 13 birthday wishes because of that. Every year i would wish for the same thing: 'let us become a family. let mom and dad talk to each other without fighting. let us become a family'. It took 13 years for my wish to come true. Even now you still argue at times but not as much.

Mom, i'm sorry that i didn't visit you when you were in the hospital (minus that one time i came). I don't know why i didn't want to go, maybe a part of me really didn't want to see you lying on a hospital bed because it scared me to think that the person who always cared for me my entire life might suddenly break and leave me alone. Or maybe because it just didn't seem real to me that you were in the hospital fighting cancer and that i just hadn't realized the weight of the situation. Whatever the reason is, i'm really sorry. I know i've said that you and dad were horrible parents, but i'm an equally horrible daughter.

Dad, i don't want you to move to the UK for work. Even if it IS after i finish university. I know i'm being selfish, but i don't want you to move away. I know you made me a promise when i was 7 that you would hold on as long as you could and once we grew up, you would be able to let go without worrying about us, but things are better now. You and mom aren't fighting as much and we actually spend time as a family now. Please don't move away. Out of the two of you, you actually treat me like an adult and i really appreciate that. You understand me better than mom and you always care for me even when i'm being a bitch (for lack of a better word). I'm sorry i always treat you like crap. It's just you seem to have the worst timing in the world and you always catch me when i'm in a really pissed off mood. I'm not actually mad at you, it's just that i have serious anger issues. Thank you for caring so much about my education and i'm sorry i keep shopping and spending your money. I'm working on stopping that.

That's all i have to say really. I'm sorry that i don't have the courage to say any of this in real life. I know that you'll never read this but if you somehow do, i'm sorry i didn't tell you sooner.

Thanks mom and dad.

Love,
Patricia Wong